Moving, blech!

Well, we're not even packed all the way yet. Who knew so much shit could fit in such a small place? Seriously, we have been used to moving 2-3 times a year for the 5 years before we met that we never hung on to anything long. In 3 1/2 years we have accumulated JUNK. Sure, I adopted a new hobby and have enough craft stuff to open my own store (oh yeah that's right I HAVE my own store, I just don't maintain it!).

So we have a plan for all this crap. I am going to take a few months off once little miss bean enters the world. I am going to beg my sister to come out and help me with RJ so I can just create, create, create! I need to get my store up and running full time and offer a variety of products. I think my list is still relatively small at this point (less than 50 items and only a few pages). Matt wants me to have fun doing what I love and see if we can turn any sort of profit at all. This way I can be home for 3 months with the kids, I can have a job to return to if necessary and I won't have this "what if" cloud hanging over me.

I just can't not work, it is not in me. I become very bored very quickly even with a very active and loving toddler to keep my company. I just crave something more! I have all these dreams and aspirations and I want my kids to know that you can achieve anything even if your decisions in life have not lead you down a straight path.

Then there is school, I will be re-applying to UNLV in the Fall of 2008 (I was accepted for Fall 2007, but fell pregnant... I like that phrase!) and hopefully I can juggle a job, a marriage, 2 kids and a full time schedule. So these are my random thoughts for today as I try and block out any ideas of the actual move looming in the very VERY near future.

Hmmm...

There are just days when you don't have a whole lot to say. My brain is so fried! RJ is the stragest sweetest little boy. He is far too smart for his 3-year old britches. He remembers things that slip my mind all the time. He can recall things from well over a year ago and has a phenomenal vocabulary. Sure, every parent thinks their kid is a genious, but he scares me sometimes. He can pronounce Albuquerque like it's nothing and remembers a snow fort we built for him last Christmas. He likes to visit his memaw and grandpa and he really likes Madelyn (the spaniel pupstress!). He remembers playing "boo" with my sister, Sara, and that is how she earned the nickname "Auntie Boo". She wears it so proudly you would think it was her given name.

See, now I've got myself going. Sara and I have a strange, often strained (although much less so since RJ's birth) relationship. I was a crappy sister when we were growing up and I did a lot of vicious things. She bears scars internally and on the surface as well. I didn't think (and often still don't believe) that I was any worse than other big sisters out there. Hell, our neighbors were far more violent with each other! I think we've come to the point that we can move on at almost 24 and 27 and I am thankful for that. I have many fond memories of us playing, but everyone has a different point of view.

Now maybe the dynamic between a brother and sister is different. I know that Matt and his sister certainly had a strained relationship, but he would have killed for her if necessary (another pact Sara and I had come to think of it). I could not imagine my life without my sister, nor can he without his. That is what is going to get me through, the thought that they will bond and love each other more than life itself... even if that day is long off.

Sanity?

I have come to questiong my sanity a lot recently. Why would I do this? Well, I must be crazy of course. We are expecting another baby sometime next year (yes, sometime... specifics, specifics). This wasn't something we thought out thoroughly or even at all. We've talked about being done for some time and I finally came to grips with it about a year ago. I never wanted RJ to be an only child, but I didn't want such an age difference either. He will be 4 (oh.my.gosh) in January and he is so bright and BEYOND energetic. He doesn't sit down from sun up to well after sundown, he is into everything just like his mama. This means he has the attention span of a gnat for anyone who doesn't know me that well!

So why now? I started a new job in mid-June and found out I was pregnant the first week of July. Great timing, huh? I am not a happy pregnant person... I don't glow (although I swear those women must be constipated or something), I don't beam with pride and rub my belly. Incubating a parasite for 9 months isn't my idea of paradise. Yes, I called her a parasite... because essentially that is what she is. A term of endearment... my little parasite. My dad still considers us parasites now and again, but we do more damage out of the womb than in now don't we?

So we're moving in less than 2 weeks and I have no motivation to pack, I have no motivation to do much of anything anymore. I have bazillions of ideas, but no drive to accomplish a damned thing. Sooooo if you are expecting anything more than a card for the holidays, you might see something by the New Year.