Thursday, April 22, 2010


This is a not-entirely-fiction story in the works, loosely based on my life:

So where does my life begin? Somewhere after the last left off I suppose. Maybe they all intertwine and I haven’t caught the right rope quite yet.

I am in the midst of an emotionally complex marriage. It is further complicated by the fact that we have a six year old son and a two year old daughter. It seems the only interests my husband (not partner) holds in me are as a babysitter, errand runner and income generator. Sure, there are times he feigns interest to get something he wants (when exactly did gender roles switch?).

This whole epiphany came about quite recently. My husband nonchalantly informed me that some parents on our sons baseball team think we are divorced. These are parents I have met before, to whom I have introduced myself. Nonetheless, he thought it may motivate me somehow? I am not sure exactly how, but I will find out soon enough if I know him so well.

Flash forward a weekend, I have a friend over. There is sexual tension that is quite palpable; more from him than from her, although she is quite in on the joke. We have a few drinks and sit around the television to bullshit. Sure enough the second she leaves, he bolts up and announces he is going to bed. There is no invitation to follow, just a lame attempt to ask for a kiss (another implication he is done with me for the evening). I stew for a few minutes… but I am not good at stewing, so I march to the bedroom and announce that he needn’t do me any favors in the future by staying up. There is some mention of me being irrational and a bitch, which is par for the course. Naturally, my feelings do not matter.

So where do I stand? Well, I think this is the beginning of the end. I will try and stand on my own two feet and support two kids in the process. I can only pray that my drive accelerates and takes me in the directions I need to go.

My family… now that is an entirely different book


A gloomy, allergen inducing, wind-ridden, desert day. How fitting it is to my mood. Today I have decided to part paths with someone very instrumental in my life. Sure, this is a technical term for an emotional bond, but how else am I to break free?
I have two small-ish children to attend to. Every day these little birds will depend on me for food, shelter and love. The last I have in spades, but the first two may prove to be a challenge now and again. I am the type of girl who can do anything she puts her mind to (although it is challenging with the attention span of a gnat). I could bartend or belly dance or even balloon. It seems to be the things that keep my attention the longest require a large amount of attention (and money) to begin with.

No comments:

Post a Comment