Quickly. Quietly. Questioning.

For you daddy.

2012-02-08T12:10:00.000-08:00

It has been nearly a year since I've last posted to this blog. So much has happened and so much remains the same.

Today is my little sister's 28th birthday. Happy birthday, Sara. I love you more than ever now. I respect you as a person and treasure you as the only person who knows the real me, good and bad. I wish we were celebrating rather than preparing. Let's do Mardi Gras for your 30th.

I cuddle my son and I drink in all the newness of him. I watch his little expressions and wonder at how much he needs me. I still need my mom too. I am struggling with the decision not to run home and help her with my father. You see, my dad is dying. He doesn't have cancer, he isn't suffering from anything that wasn't treatable. He is dying from choices he made long ago. Choices that not only affected him, but everyone who loves him.

My dad has cirrhosis and likely emphysema. He is in acute organ failure. His brain has become cyanotic. I pray he slips into sleep and doesn't wake up. I pray that he makes it through the night as not to burden my sister on her birthday. I pray for my mother, who is strong and good and loving. She holds his hand and accepts he gave her 33 years and can't give another.

He had a good, lucid day yesterday. He remembered he has three daughters and four grandchildren (three boys and one girl). He talked to me for a few minutes in clarity which I appreciated. He will miss us all, but he is at peace. He saw a priest yesterday who gave him his last rites. He said, even having not been to church in over 20 years, that he finally confessed those sins that vexed him the most.

I have a hard time believing in heaven or an afterlife. Despite being raised as a Roman Catholic and still finding comfort in some of the ritual, I don't digest a lot of the teachings well. I think that death is the end. It is scary and will probably scare me more as I age or become sick. I think people only live on in legacy. I think that we are what we leave in others, what we instill in our children and grandchildren. We are those who we've touched in our lifetimes. My dad will live on in lots of people.

I'll share some stories tomorrow, when I am not as exhausted or emotional (yeah right, it is going to be a long battle for me). I guess I will just share as I feel the need or as the stories surface. There are a lot of them I'd like to remember and to share with not only my children, but those who know me. It may give you a glimpse into the person I am and part of the reason behind it.

and it drags on and on and on and on ... and on

2011-02-15T21:05:00.001-08:00

Two more weeks and no progress, still...

... yes, I know these things can take years. We haven't heard about any of the houses we've applied to rent yet either.

Yay us, stuck. We may never make it back to Boulder City and that is a truly depressing thought.

So, walking into our old home today was horrid... it was literally like everyone there just up and left (we did). There are unwashed dishes, there is laundry in the baskets and our beds are unmade. I have half-finished projects in my craft room and I found a few of RJ's homework assignments and class projects waiting to be taken to Tae Kwon Do for credit.

We still don't have test results although they are expected (by us anyway) this week. Another $2000 we will be out of pocket and no end in sight.

The Little Things

2011-02-01T11:44:00.000-08:00

Going on our third week today it has been all of the little things that we miss the most. Sleeping in your own bed, not shushing your children 500 times not to annoy someone, cooking in your own kitchen. We catch ourselves saying "sure, let me just get the .... oh, no, sorry kids, that is at home" far too often.

Even though things haven't changed much, still ... we are trying to remain upbeat and are hoping to get into our own place again within the next week or two. Our host has been more than gracious, and hasn't complained about our crap everywhere or our loud and obnoxious children... but we still feel like we are imposing on her life. It is hard not to feel that way, not matter how much she loves us.

Not much progress, no test results, the waiting game continues ...

Another week, another issue ... and some progress

2011-01-26T20:00:00.000-08:00

Well it has been another week since we officially moved out of our apartment with little to no progress from the other side. I am not sure if their stalling will be good or bad for us, but eventually they will have to answer.

Our things are still there and will remain so until things are resolved... or at least until test results confirm just how bad things actually are. Our kids miss their beds, their friends and their toys still, very much so. We are trying to keep them entertained and they are comfortable where we are staying. They have their own rooms (for once) to play and watch TV in. They have dogs to play with (they've insisted we get some of our own ASAP -- but we are still hesitant!). Rent will be paid to the court if necessary and although we can hope things will be resolved in a timely fashion, we are not holding our breath.

RJ has been very, very, very ill. We had to take him to the emergency room on Monday night. He was diagnosed with a sinus infection and a severe double ear infection last Thursday and even on antibiotics he proceeded to get worse and worse. He has a hacking cough and the fever was 103.5 even after ibuprofen and acetaminophen. He was nauseous, delirious and felt so dizzy he screamed he was falling while laying flat on his back on the floor. His eyes were red, his cheeks were flushed and he cried out in pain anytime something brushed his skin. The doctors got his fever under control and gave him a shot of steroids. He had xrays to check if he had pneumonia or a mold infection, both of which showed negative (we found out this afternoon) thank goodness. We now have to have blood tests to determine if mycotoxins are present in any of us. We are hoping the full on exposure was short enough that none of us will experience any long term effects.

Long term we hope to be back on our feet by March. We await all the proper forms to file our taxes (to finish paying the mold inspector and hopefully everyone who has or will donate back), and my parents are going to help us with the deposit on a new place back in the BC (we are living about 20 miles away from home -- which doesn't seem like a lot until you make the round trip 3 times a day in a car with two pouting children).

Other than that, if you want the nitty gritty, you know what to do. Love to all, and yes -- those thoughts and prayers are carrying us through each day.

Devastating Progress

2011-01-19T11:08:00.000-08:00

I've been cautioned by some not to put too much out there in regards to exactly what is happening "just in case"

Well, yesterday after all the waiting was devastating news. Everything we own is possibly contaminated and we've been warned not to remove anything from the house. All my material, although cleanable is not currently available for use. Business wise, in our current situation, I stand to lose even more. I will have to re-buy a large amount of inventory just to fill outstanding orders, or refund outright and be out cost plus.

Aubrey still doesn't get it and he cries are pitiful. We hope to have new housing within the next week or two, but refurnishing will take some time.

I never thought, at almost 30, that I would have to start all over again. When things are this low, I pray it only goes up from here.

Just Like Home ... or NOT

2011-01-18T10:54:00.001-08:00

So our home away from home for a night was rather, ummmm.... uh ....

The shower had zero water pressure, it literally just misted you. I was colder when I got out than when I went in. I didn't bother to wash my hair because I would have had soap in it all day. The window looked like it could have been opened, but it was screwed shut. Towels barely covered RJ and were so thin you could see through them.

We found out the mattresses were fairly new (thank goodness) because the sheets did not stay on well at all. We certainly needed the blankets since the ancient wall heater did nothing for warmth and was a huge safety hazard with young children. It was scorching hot to the touch while barely raising the temperature of the room more than a couple degrees.

The TV was so old it didn't even have a place to hook up the RCA cables to entertain the kids with video games or a movie. Add to it that the TV cabinet blocked half of the bathroom door, the refrigerator sounded like it was going to explode and the microwave took 18 minutes to warm water and you have a family vacation ala Griswold!

Seriously though, the lady gave us guff about how cheap it was ($66.08) and that we couldn't get a AAA discount because her price was from 2003 and that we didn't have to leave our apartment (until I asked her if she would be okay breathing in feces). Ahhhhh, heaven.

How Do You Explain It To a 2 Year Old?

2011-01-16T11:17:00.000-08:00

Aubrey seems to be the one who has been affected by this change the most. She is whinier than normal, she is mean and she cries a lot. She asks over and over and over to go home. We tell her that we can't go home right now and she is inconsolable. She even wanted to go to her room when Matt made her stand with her nose in the corner (for bad behavior). What kid asks to go to their room as punishment and then bawls because they can't?

RJ is acting out in his own ways and slightly manipulating the situations. He plays more video games than usual because we feel bad.

We did have a few bright spots yesterday. The boys won their baseball game against the toughest team in our league. We were down 8-2 going into the 4th inning. We got 2 hits, a few walks and scored 3 runs. We were on our last out and the best hitter (who Matt calls Hollywood) steps up to the plate. The pitcher was all over the place and on a full count, Hollywood golf swings and hits a line drive down first base and way out of the park. He clears the bases and we are up by one. We were the away team so the club ball team comes up, with the top of their lineup (the best hitters). Hollywood is on the mound and he strikes out the side, one-two-three. The kids went NUTS, Matt and the other two coaches went NUTS and the other team stood there with their jaws on the floor -- the Cougars were beaten by some nobody team from Boulder City.

Then at five o'clock RJ was able to have his birthday party at Chuck E Cheese, with three of his best friends and his cousins. There was pizza and chocolate chocolate chocolate cake. He didn't like the "babyness" of the singing part, but the rest of it kept him smiling.

We spent the night with some friends in Boulder City because we couldn't bear the thought of driving away again last night. Today will be another hard day, but yesterday was amazing.

Thank you, and you, and you ....

2011-01-14T20:35:00.000-08:00

We have a place to stay tonight, and hopefully will have something indefinite in the near future. We have seen so much generosity in the last few days that we are astounded. We are over halfway to the first hurdle ($1000) in just a few short days. We want everyone to know that every cent is appreciated and no small deed goes unnoticed or unappreciated. We plan to pay everyone back in some respect or another as soon as we are able.

A suit was filed today and I can email anyone details if they would like. We have an inspector coming on Tuesday and are really hoping that things progress in a timely matter. We are in it for the long haul at this point and are pleased to have documented so much in detail. My dad always said it is all in the details.

Please leave your email in the comment section if you'd like to be BCC'd in detail and let me know who you are... those who have donated will be automatically included unless you'd like to opt out.

Again, thank you a million times over. Even your thoughts and prayers are carrying us through.

2011-01-12T16:20:00.000-08:00

Please help us? Every little dollar counts!!

2011-01-12T15:14:00.000-08:00

Tuesday, Dec. 28th, 2010 around 10:30pm
We notice some water underneath the trash can, on the carpet in the kitchen. I think maybe the kids spilled something and put a towel down to try and clean up. A few hours later the spot is bigger.

Wednesday, Dec. 29th 2010
Notify Manager (office manager) of the problem and she calls out Orchard Plumbing, who come out and cut 5 holes in the wall (and ceiling) to try and assess the leak. He informs Scott (the apartment maintenance man) that the cabinets need to be taken out so that he can access the pipes in the wall and he leaves. The carpet cleaning company (Ultimate Choice) comes out and removes some of the damaged padding and sucks up the excess water. Everyone leaves it at that.

Thursday, Dec. 30th 2010
Scott comes back with the district maintenance supervisor to remove our cabinets. They decide it will be just as easy to cut a hole in the upper cabinets above the refrigerator and a few more exploratory holes. They can not seem to pinpoint a leak in any of the pipes and they go to the roof, where they discover something has collapsed and that the water has leaked down through the walls around the opening where the hoods connect in a “T“ shape. They assume this is the problem and there is nothing they can do to extract the water so we “deal with it”. The plumber also agrees it is a roof leak and leaves. The water now starts coming though the kitchen from underneath the stove. The carpet and house are smelling musty. (Ultimate Choice comes out to remove water). We are given a $50 gift certificate to Tony’s Pizza in Boulder City and a 3 day ($75) rent concession which we use in addition to our $50 Christmas decoration prize. Rent is paid in the amount of $790 via money order.

Friday, Dec. 31st 2010
The water has progressed through the kitchen from under the stove and we call Manager on her personal cell phone to have Ultimate Choice come out and do another extraction.

Saturday, Jan 1st 2011
The water progresses all day, Manager again sends out Ultimate Choice to extract water from the kitchen and dining room. She also sends out the plumber to see if water is coming from underneath the stove, again he says it is just roof water and with 4 days of rain we should expect it to continue (essentially “wait it out“). Manager purchases a Shap-Vac Air MoverÔ and brings it to the apartment to help dry out the sopping wet carpet and kitchen floor. She also beings over food from her personal pantry for dinner.

Sunday, Jan 2nd 2011
We keep the shop vac pointed into the kitchen to keep the water at bay, which works temporarily, or until the deafening noise becomes too much to handle. The carpet is still wet in the corner by the kitchen, but it seems the leak has slowed some.

Monday, Jan. 3rd 2011
Ultimate Choice comes out again to extract water. They point the shop vac underneath the carpet and blow water into the rest of the room because the leak is continuous. We are still waiting it out. I ask Manager when the roofers are coming and she says she will get back to me when she knows, that there is no one in the office (roofers) that can give her an answer. Scott comes out to patch the holes from the previous week, but leaves the one over the fridge open.

Tuesday, Jan. 4th 2011
Ultimate Choice comes out to extract more water.

Wednesday, Jan. 5th 2011
Ultimate Choice comes out to extract more water. We are finally told the roofers will be out to look at the leak on the 10th (Monday).

Thursday, Jan. 6th 2011
Ultimate Choice comes out to extract more water

Friday, Jan. 7th 2011
Manager sees that the water has not stopped coming into the apartment and brings out another plumbing company (J and J). This plumber tells us that the leak is coming from the drain that runs under our sink and is leaking up through the sub flooring after he cut a small hole underneath the sink. He explains that the water is finding the path of least resistance and is coming up through studs driven into the ground and leaking into our apartment. He takes some pictures (as do I, finally) and he leaves at 3:30pm. Ultimate Choice comes out and extracts more water.

Saturday, Jan. 8th, 2011
Ultimate Choice comes out and extracts more water and removes the rotting tack strip. RJ and Aubrey spend the night elsewhere.

Sunday, Jan 9th, 2011
Ultimate Choice comes out (in the late evening, after dark) and extracts more water. Everyone in the house (Aubrey, 2 years old; RJ, 6 years old; Katie, 29 years old; Matt, 37 years old) begins suffering from a stomach sickness.

Monday, Jan 10th 2011 (our son’s seventh birthday and our wedding anniversary)
J and J plumbing returns to our home with the district maintenance supervisor, they cut small holes to the right of the kitchen in the dining room to see if they can locate the leak. They determine the water is flowing from the left and cut a large hole behind the refrigerator. The maintenance supervisor goes to the upstairs unit and turns their kitchen sink on. They determine the leak is coming from a large diameter pipe running behind the refrigerator. The pipe is cut and replaced and the maintenance supervisor and plumber from J and J leave the premises. The roofer comes to the door and asks to inspect the unit, which I refuse as the leak is not related to the roof (as had been determined). Ultimate Choice is present and are in the process of removing the under padding from the carpet in the dining room area. Manager enters the building and goes into the kitchen. She asks one of the workers from Ultimate Choice to use his hose to suction some of the water in the open cavity. It is seen that the water is continuing to flow from the left, so she again calls J and J plumbing to come back out again. In the meantime, a worker from Ultimate Choice removes some of the dry wall along with the padding from the carpet and I (Katie) notice there are some mold spots. I ask him to leave the drywall on the porch. The plumber enters the unit next door (C7) to determine if the leak is coming from there. They enter our apartment again and cut another hole above the cabinet in the kitchen and fix another leak. All holes are left open and nothing else is said. I (Katie) go to the office on the way to get food for everyone (who are all still sick) and ask Manager about mold, in general. I ask if it has anything to do with the water and she tells me the smell is mildew, not mold. She also informs me that if the mold were of the dangerous variety, both the plumber and the maintenance supervisor would have cordoned off the area, put on masks and gloves and told us to leave. When I return, she asks me to come into the office. She and Assistant Managerberly (the assistant manager) tell me I need to take $100 and leave the apartment immediately as a precaution. I inform them that I just can not deal with it at the moment and leave. They both come to our apartment at 4:43pm and tell us we have to sign a waiver to stay in the apartment for the evening. Feeling like we had no choice, we signed the waiver. Matt was too ill to leave the bed all day, much less collect items for an indefinite leave from the house. In the waiver we signed was a bit about having Dennis from Cam Air come out to inspect for mold at 10:00am the next day

Tuesday, Jan 11th 2011
10:00am came and went and there was no call from the office, nor was there a call from Dennis. Dennis finally arrives around 2:00pm and walks into the house. He looks into the lower cavity in the dining room wall and as he is walking out, I point him to the bit of drywall on our patio and he informs me that it is just the common mold that grows on bread and leaves. The whole visit lasted less than 3 minutes. Assuming everything was fine (due to bread type mold) we continued on with our day. Around 4:45pm again, Manager and Assistant Manager came to the house and told us we had no option but to leave the apartment this time, since we had reported mold and it was precautionary on their part (and part of the law). She forced a $100 bill into my (Katie’s) hand. She then told us we had to move to the unit next door as soon as possible (starting Wednesday, January 12th, 2011) and that it would be cleaned and patched the following morning. We were offered $200 to pay our moving expenses (but the issue was never pressed further). We asked to be let out of our lease completely, which her management company refused (we were told that we would be responsible for all fines and penalties related to breaking the lease, but that it was our choice). Again, we felt we were had no other options and told her we would do what we had to do. We left the apartment and decided to seek legal counsel. We did not spend the $100 bill we were given

Wednesday, Jan. 12th 2010
We collect a copy of our lease agreement and the waiver we signed on the 10th and proceed to the lawyers office to discuss our options regarding the whole situation. When we returned home, the hole above the refrigerator had been sealed (finally) and there was a 3-day Constables Notice on our door to vacate the premises.

Not so Surprising to me ...

2010-06-28T12:06:00.000-07:00

I have a little inside perspective on cases such as this: Missing Ohio Girl . Sweet, smart, and seemingly together teen girl hooks up with outwardly sweet, very controlling, slightly older boy. You see, I was this girl.

In high school I was the smart one, although not the smartest one. Most academic achievements of mine were not even a challenge. I was definitely compensating for other things I wanted. I was decent looking, but I have a big nose (in my opinion), I was always a little overweight. I never wore fashionable clothes and didn't have a mom who was into make-up or anything all the popular girls had. I was outgoing and very opinionated. I was not a wall flower and made friends pretty easily. I was the funny, smart girl.

I was terribly, awfully, painfully shy with boys though. When I hit puberty, I hit it hard. I went home one summer flat as a board and came back in the fall with curves in all the right places. I was embarrassed by my stretch marks, C cups and hips. I had a figure that would have made Playmates jealous, but I tried to hide it. I wore baggy t-shirts and boys jeans. Hey, it matched my constant ponytail. Sure, I liked boys, but they didn't like me unless they were trying to copy my homework. There were plenty of girls with their goods on display.

So my junior year of high school I got myself my first real boyfriend. He was super smart, like genius level intelligent. He was sweet and kind and patient. He made every day worth getting up. I had a smile on my face constantly. Then I moved ... to Las Vegas (yes Sin City Nevada). I was heartbroken, but ready for a new adventure (I didn't have a choice, right?)

What better way to reinvent yourself than a move in the middle of your junior year? I wore clothing that was a little tighter than it should have been. For the first time in my life, boys were paying attention to me for more reasons than my brains. I reveled in the attention. I had a make out partner almost immediately. I was still a virgin, and I remained that way for the rest of the summer. I was still a good, shy little Catholic girl at heart.

My parents made me get a job my senior year after wasting all my time (and their money) that summer. I started working at a movie theatre, which was awesome! I got to work with kids my age, see free movies and eat all the popcorn I could stomach. That Halloween I met a boy. He was dressed as a woman, go figure. He acted stuck up and distant, which made me interested, of course. I knew how to play the game, made sure I got his interest too. I'd read all the Seventeen articles, dontchaknow? So one day after school I went to my car and noticed an orange piece of construction paper from a "secret admirer". There were little notes there, no matter where I parked, for the rest of the week. Then he called me to meet him at a gas station so we could talk. After several hour long talks, he asked me to be his girlfriend.

I never got to see where he lived or meet his parents. He always came to me. He bought flowers and was everything a teenage girl wants. Then he gave me a promise ring, six weeks into our courtship, right before I went on a trip east. It sent red flags up for my mom; it made me feel wanted.

Six months later I found out he had been living with his "ex-girlfriend" the entire time we'd been together, driving me around in her car. He needed help moving home since she kicked him out. He was so convincing that I stayed. Another red flag right? Well then there was the fact my dad was the mailman for his house. He saw another girl there a few times one week and debated telling me. He had a feeling it wouldn't make any difference. I confronted him and he convinced me this girl was just stalking him. Red flag number three.

I would sneak him into my parents house almost every night, which was a huge issue (as it should have been). He effectively isolated me from my friends and family. Then I moved in with him. At this point my mother barely talked to me and my only friends were his friends. I was completely and totally lost. I hadn't gone to college as planned. I had effectively given up everything I had going for me. The first time he hit me he was so apologetic, so sorry. He told me he only did it because I made him so angry and that he would never do it again. He didn't, for quite some time. I stayed home when he went out. I stayed in the room the night he and a friend decided to call an "entertainer" to our apartment. I devoted my entire life to keeping him happy. If he was happy, then I was happy... or so I thought.

This cycle lasted for years. Even after he left me for another girl, he gave me enough attention and enough bullshit to keep me around. So people wonder how a bright, outgoing, perceptive girl falls into something like this. It is a gradual thing. Men like this know weak spots in the not-so-pretty, slightly awkward, smart girls like me. They know how to break ties. They know how to convince girls that they are the only important person. Trust me, I've been there. I was this girl. Luckily enough, I got out. I am married to a wonderful man who really loves me.

So my words of wisdom? You can't belittle the relationship or the person your loved one is with. He will use it to his advantage (ala Romeo and Juliet). All you can do is continue to be there, to support and encourage her in all the positives in her life (school, church, other friends). The words that broke my cycle came from a friend of his. He told me one night "Give me your mother's phone number. I want to know who to call when you go missing".

No, Sir, YOU Don't Understand

2010-06-27T20:08:00.000-07:00

I had a customer this week, an elderly man, tell me that I did not understand.

I am not exactly sure what he thought or why he said this. I assume it is because his copay was ridiculously high. He was mad, irate even, at the cost. I must say I would have been angry too. I would have been angry with the out-of-touch doctor who prescribe based on what the latest drug rep thought. I would have been mad at the drug company, I may have even been mad at the drugstore... but I would not have been mad at my cashier. You see, I do understand. I understand what it is like to work and work and work and work. I understand what it is like not to have health insurance that properly covers my medical expenses. I understand what it is like to choose between health care and food. I do understand, sir, I do.

What you do not understand, sir, is who I am. You do not understand where I come from. You do not understand my financial, emotional or physical situation.

Let me explain to you where I come from, at least:

I come from a neighborhood called Valley Gardens, in the South Valley of Albuquerque, New Mexico, the 47th state. Yes, we are a part of the United States thankyouverymuch (here is the Wikipedia: South_Valley). You see, I lived in a very poor community, in a very poor state. I was also, unlike in most of this country, the racial minority. I am Caucasian, white, güera what ever it is you might want to call me. The only African American, Black, whatever other racial term, girl lived next door to me. We were best friends from the time we were three years old. She is still one of the most important people in my life.

Let's top this all off with how smart I was. I was the nerd from day one. I skipped kindergarten for the most part (me and Luis, always competing). I made friends, and enemies, easily. I was naive and sheltered in a pretty harsh environment. I knew girls who were pregnant right after they'd hit puberty, no later than sixth grade. My middle school had no lockers and no unlocked bathrooms -- too much violence. I was both an outcast and a part of the cycle. I was not accepted by all of my classmates, but I was protected all the same as part of the pack. They sure didn't bother with me, but they did not tolerate others bothering me either. I was shit, but I belonged to them, I was their shit.

Then I went to a Catholic high school thinking it would be my out, my salvation. Little did I know I was more outcast than ever. I did not have money. I did not have successful, rich, influential parents. I did not come from a long line of alumni. All I had were my wits, and growing up where I did, I had them in spades. I knew how to charm parents, teachers and fellow students alike. Still, I waited for the bus to take me home, to the same neighborhood, every night.

I would not, sir, trade who I have become, for anything in the world. I owe my existence to that world, to that neighborhood, to that barrio. I am who I am because of, not in spite of, where I am from.

So you, sir, do not understand.

Super

2010-04-26T21:57:00.000-07:00

So one of my most recent creative outlets has been super capes, for kids young and old. Inspired by my little monkeys, the venture started to take off.

Then I began to wonder what we teach our children about heroes. They expect them to fly through the sky and rescue people in need. Equipped with a cape and a mask, secret identities intact, these super figures captivate our imaginations from a young age. As girls, we want to be rescued and fall in love with a man like this. We want a man who can solve all of our problems with a kiss, a man who is so in tune with human need that he disappears to save man-kind. As little boys, we want to have all the power in the world to vanquish the bad guys, to get the girl, to leap buildings and see through walls. Some time during adolescence we lose the ability to believe in such things. Reality sets in and we realize that we are mortal. We have our hearts broken, by ordinary men, with ordinary dreams.

Storytelling

2010-04-22T21:29:00.000-07:00

This is a not-entirely-fiction story in the works, loosely based on my life:

So where does my life begin? Somewhere after the last left off I suppose. Maybe they all intertwine and I haven’t caught the right rope quite yet.

I am in the midst of an emotionally complex marriage. It is further complicated by the fact that we have a six year old son and a two year old daughter. It seems the only interests my husband (not partner) holds in me are as a babysitter, errand runner and income generator. Sure, there are times he feigns interest to get something he wants (when exactly did gender roles switch?).

This whole epiphany came about quite recently. My husband nonchalantly informed me that some parents on our sons baseball team think we are divorced. These are parents I have met before, to whom I have introduced myself. Nonetheless, he thought it may motivate me somehow? I am not sure exactly how, but I will find out soon enough if I know him so well.

Flash forward a weekend, I have a friend over. There is sexual tension that is quite palpable; more from him than from her, although she is quite in on the joke. We have a few drinks and sit around the television to bullshit. Sure enough the second she leaves, he bolts up and announces he is going to bed. There is no invitation to follow, just a lame attempt to ask for a kiss (another implication he is done with me for the evening). I stew for a few minutes… but I am not good at stewing, so I march to the bedroom and announce that he needn’t do me any favors in the future by staying up. There is some mention of me being irrational and a bitch, which is par for the course. Naturally, my feelings do not matter.

So where do I stand? Well, I think this is the beginning of the end. I will try and stand on my own two feet and support two kids in the process. I can only pray that my drive accelerates and takes me in the directions I need to go.

My family… now that is an entirely different book

1

A gloomy, allergen inducing, wind-ridden, desert day. How fitting it is to my mood. Today I have decided to part paths with someone very instrumental in my life. Sure, this is a technical term for an emotional bond, but how else am I to break free?
I have two small-ish children to attend to. Every day these little birds will depend on me for food, shelter and love. The last I have in spades, but the first two may prove to be a challenge now and again. I am the type of girl who can do anything she puts her mind to (although it is challenging with the attention span of a gnat). I could bartend or belly dance or even balloon. It seems to be the things that keep my attention the longest require a large amount of attention (and money) to begin with.

Style change, New Look, New Attitude

2010-04-14T14:15:00.000-07:00

I've been thinking a lot recently about my desire to lose weight. I am overweight for certain, but I have no other medical issues. I have excellent blood pressure and cholesterol, no signs of diabetes or thyroid problems.

I do have the same issues most married mothers my age have, occasional bouts of depression and typical PMS. So why exactly do I want to lose weight?

I am not unhappy with my appearance (other than the occasional new wrinkle or gasp gray hair). I have breasts that fed two happy healthy children (that my husband is still fond of). I have a belly that carried two said children, that will never be quite as taut as it once was. I have thick thighs, which I've always had. I have a curvy figure that some women envy, regardless of the fact that I am a solid 35 pounds over my ideal weight. My sister, who is 115lbs. soaking wet, is and always has been, miserable with her inability to gain weight.

I guess the grass is not always greener on the other side.

My quest this summer is to try and not feel self-conscious. I have dimples in my knees and cellulite on my thighs. Who cares? There are so many women who are gorgeous and not super model skinny. As long as I am healthy, I want to embrace where I am in life right now, at this moment.

Be on the lookout for ways I solve typical fit issues with clothing. From looking shapeless in many of today's shifts and tunics to that ever-lovin' gap in the back of so many jeans. These are my issues, please feel free to share yours too.

Holy smokes Batman!!!

2010-04-13T15:09:00.000-07:00

Today is GOLD in the crafty blogosphere.

Look at all the giveaways going on!! 4 winners every hour all day (and it is 3:00pm here so I've missed most of it)

Tutu special for blog readers only!!

2010-03-10T23:59:00.000-08:00

Accessory Holder tutorial- Part 2

2010-03-08T15:44:00.001-08:00

OK, now for the second half. There is some simple sewing involved in these steps. I used a 3/4" blue grossgrain ribbon and a 1/4" pink satin ribbon to coordinate with my paper print. I cut these to approximately 27 inches (to allow 2 feet of hanging space).

Line up your ribbon ends, with the smaller ribbon in the center.

Fold over twice on one end. Once about 1/4" and the second about 1" to form a loop at the bottom. You will slip a ring to hold ponies on through here (or to anchor your ribbons)

Sew the velcro to the front side of the ribbon (this will face the back of your frame where the other strip of velcro is):

Make sure your ribbon is centered and doesn't slip before you make your line across:

I used a zig-zag stitch and went over it 3 times to secure it. You can use a straight or a applique stitch depending on your preference:

I varied the distance between some of the lines. 3 inches for sunglasses (you have to get them through somehow. It is also better for the kind that fold flat.

Teeth, meet fuzz:

Just stick that velcro on to your strip, no complicated gluing and you can reposition it! lol

All finished: Now just to hang it and add pretties!

A ring (that came with some ponies) that I added to hold them all. You could also use a ring for stretchy/knit headbands:

A cute (Gymboree FFM) headband:

The top half:

All hung on the wall (not the prettiest picture, since light is waning). It gives you an idea though. I added a bracelet to the pushpin, a pair of glasses, a headband and a jump ring with ponies. If you add more ribbons you can alter them to have clippies and curlies too (I will get to that some other time).

Have fun! Leave questions or comments, please.

Hair accessories (and sunglasses) storage tutorial

2010-03-08T12:09:00.001-08:00

This is my first attempt at a tutorial, so bare with me. I would appreciate any feedback!

I have seen tons of cute holders out there, but some of them are well over $40 and don't quite serve the purposes I need them for. So, being the insomniac that I am I came up with this nifty little number that cost about $10 (assuming you have some basics).

Materials:

$1 wooden frame (from craft store)
Modge Podge
Xacto knife
Hot glue/glue gun
decorative paper (12x12 or [2] 8.5 x 11)
grossgrain ribbon in 2 widths (9 yards each)
sewing machine (and thread)
pushpins
*other decorative items

Make sure your wooden frame has the hole (where the peg would go) at the top. This means it is essentially upside down

2. Paint your frames edges and center in a color to match your chosen paper. There is no need to paint the back or front since they won't be seen

3. Cut your paper to size (in this case 8x8"). Coat your frame with Mod Podge and smooth paper with a credit card or other smoothing device (I used a handy metal bookmark).

4. Cut the excess out of the middle and from around the edges with your exacto knife (yes, there is velcro on the back of this frame already, but that will be in Part II). Go over the surface with at least one coat of Mod Podge to seal. Let it dry (takes 30 minutes or so for 2 coats).

5. Cover the center of your frame with a pieve of the leftover paper

6. Insert the center back into the frame.

7. Attach your pushpins and chipboard letters to the frame. The pushpins can be used to bracelets or necklaces or elastic/knit headbands (add as many as you like/need).

8. Add the rest of your decorative elements (like a daisy and rhintestones).

Please come back tomorrow to learn how to attach your sunglass and headband/bow holders.!

Who's your daddy? (and how'd he get mommy?)

2010-02-28T21:11:00.000-08:00

Claire, over at

inspired me to write this post. I think it is one of those things that is slightly unbelievable. It also tells what a different person each of us is now.

Matt, what can I say-- he is H-O-T hot! I dare someone to disagree, I mean look at him:

So, I went to pick up my sister from work at OfficeMax one day in my brand.spanking.new TransAm. What color was it you ask? It was white. It had T-tops and was a RamAir. That thing was faaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaast. Yeah, it is hot too:

BUT then again, so was I:

(that is me on the left)

Anyway, back to the story...

I asked my sister who the hot guy in the stationary aisle was, then dragged her over. She said simply "oh, that's Matt" and we left.

You see, I was in a relationship, sort of. K had a girlfriend, sometimes. Sometimes we were all together at the same time. I was living with a pharmacist I worked for. Well, she lived with her boyfriend and I lived in her house. Anyway, this is getting complicated...

Fast forward a month or two. I went to see my parents one night and as I was saying goodbye, I gave everyone a kiss on the forehead. Matt was there, drinking with my parents (who are cooler to everyone else than they were to me! lol). My sister said "where's Matt's kiss" So I kissed him on the forehead too (He later admitted looking down my shirt at this point).

Sara then tried to get me to go out with Matt every chance she got. I was too hung up on whatshisface (oh, they have the same name Claire!) to give it a go.

Then one night, I decided to call Sara up. I wanted to go out for my 22nd birthday. I needed her to come and watch my new puppy. Matt came up with her! I was a few drinks in already and told him just what I thought of him (hey, you are really, really hot). So my friends and I took him with us for the night. We went to a strip club, then to a few bars.

When we got back to my house (I had my own apartment at this point), I was all sorts of hot and bothered. There was only one problem... yep, ol' whatshisface. Matt told him in no uncertain terms that he needed to stay out of my life. Well, that sealed it for me.

I definitely put out on the first date. I moved in within a week, was pregnant within a month and married and a mom within the year.

Almost 7 years (OMG, I am almost 29!!) and another baby later, we are still going strong. Good thing we had a lot more than chemistry in common. It is amazing how things work out in the long run!

Made by you Monday (yes, it's Tuesday)

2010-02-23T23:53:00.000-08:00

Ok, I am participating this week... but no guarantee I will consistently (you know me, I am easily distracted). What was I doing again? Oh yes...

I made the pants this little sleep bug is wearing. I made her a top too, but she would rather wear her brothers old t-shirt with it.

Lovies

2010-02-20T23:24:00.000-08:00

My kids, they do love each other.

Aubrey adores RJ and tries to protect him. We were wrestling on the floor and she came and pulled my hair (ouch!) and told me "get off my bruddah!!" in a very serious tone. Then she, of course, tackled him herself.

RJ is sweet enough to let her win (sometimes) and play babies with her, very tenderly. He plays daddy and she mommies very well.

They both play Star Wars. Who knew it would be popular as ever almost 30 years after the fact? She sings the imperial march:

and he tells her which droid to be, or which darth whatever she needs to kill. It is hysterical, and I know it is only for a fleeting amount of time. I hope they will remember, one day when they are fighting, that they had so much fun together. If not, I will remind them (not so gently).

Morning conversations

2010-02-19T08:06:00.000-08:00

Some days Aubrey wakes up RJ and some days it is the other way around. I am not sure who woke up first this morning, but the conversation was pretty darned hysterical.

RJ: "Good morning Aubrey, let's stretch"
Aubrey: "Okay bruddah, jump jacks, jump jacks, fall down"
RJ: "Aubrey, stretch your arms and touch your toes, push up time"
Aubrey: "one, two, five, fourteen"
RJ: "Okay, now jumping jacks again, touch your toes, act like a droid"
Aubrey: "I am a droid!!"

It went on for some time like that. Then they heard me and came running out. I love mornings like this. They are content, they are loving each other. Now they are racing like nascar around the coffee table being silly.

I think I will honor the pancake requests now. What a wonderful morning!

Take that, 12th grade!

2010-02-18T20:45:00.000-08:00

I had to take computer science my senior year since I was a transfer student. There were 2 seniors in a sea of freshman. Beau (the other senior) and I had a ton of fun, but never got much done. The teacher let me get away with pretty much anything (yeah I had a DD rack back then too). He told me that I would need to learn all this coding at some point down the road. Yeah... sure! lol

So, tonight I taught myself to make a button to link people to my Etsy shop. Take that!! It took me 30 minutes to do what a teacher tried (unsuccessfully) to teach in a whole semester.

Here it is:

Wrodless Wednesday - nostalgic

2010-02-10T11:23:00.000-08:00

Where is my warning label?

2010-02-09T22:19:00.000-08:00

I think the warning label must have fallen off. Of my children, that is.

No one tells you when you have kids that they are going to be the single most heartbreaking experience of your life.

Heartwarming, heartbreaking, heart wrenching... yep, all of those. All of those in 2 seconds flat.

I never knew that being a mom would be so hard. Sure, I had a mom. My mom made it look easy. She never let on that she would come in to check on us at least once a night. She never let on that every time we were out of her sight she worried herself into gray hair (or that will be my excuse anyway).

Being a mom is scary.

So, I know that even when my kids are grown and gone, I will worry. I will wonder and I will have to distract myself or go insane.

Mission accomplished

2010-01-01T19:17:00.001-08:00

So I did it! Yes, I did it... Matt took care of everything else. So here are the new pictures:

I also managed to get (cram) all (most) of the kids' toys into the closet.

Now I just have to grab my scissors, measuring tape and iron and get to work. I have 25 (nearly identical) capes to finish. The customer requested satin (which I don't usually like to use), but she who pays gets her ways!

I'll let you all know how I am doing tomorrow!

Eeek

2010-01-01T02:05:00.000-08:00

I just realized how many hobbies I have!! I have everything out of boxes in my craft room. I need to make 25 capes, by Tuesday. So I have my table cleared... but I can not work in this chaos! Thank goodness Matt said we will tackle it together tomorrow. I love him! By these pictures you can not tell how much I've acutally done!!

This is the view from the door to the room, which is also supposed to be the playroom. I took the non-working TV out today. I need to find one I can mount on the wall (open to suggestion!!) I have 2 sewing machines and a serger. There are 2 totes full of yarn, one full of ribbon, and each of the storage cubes house a different hobby (candle making, beading/jewelry, rhinestones, fabric painting, decoupage, stamping, etc.) The storage on top of the desk has some display items and stuff I use almost every day (glue, scissors, paper). I have a basket containing 100-some patterns. Matt even gave me an old tool chest which now houses paint, cutting instruments and other things that are better locked away from the kids.

This is the other corner. I have scrapbooking, knitting, sewing and other general crafting books on the shelf (along with some other things). The drawers of RJ's old dresser contain fabric (except the top drawer, which has the kids' coloring books and crayons). I have my trusty old Cricut (the original!) and 16 cartridges on top of the dresser. I am not sure what the containers on top of the bookshelf will hold. I have pails on hooks that have Sharpies (I have over 100 of those too), scissors (the pattern-edged kind) and other writing utensils. I broke it up with some page layouts. I also have some star hooks on the wall to hold capes I have finished. I have 2 ottomans (ottomen? haha) that will house kids books and work as seating in this area (where the TV will go when I find one that will work).

I also cleaned out the closet in this room and plan to install some shelves. I am implementing a "one set" rule from now on. The toys will be put into totes by type of toy (Little People, Tranformers, My Little Ponies) and the kids can play out of one tote each at a time. If they want something else, the previous toys have to be boxed up and put away. I hope this works!!

Disappointed?

2009-12-31T03:12:00.000-08:00

We brought all of our belongings back from Albuquerque after our annual Christmas visit this year. I am happy to have all of our things here, even if I am discouraged by the sheer volume of items I need to sort through. I am off tomorrow and Friday, so I am taking my time (and yes, I am up at 3:15 in the morning typing this).

So here is where my disappointment lies... I have opened several boxes of things from my childhood (school years). I won Student of the Month several times in elementary school, I got citizenship awards and scholastic awards and was a published author by the fourth grade. I won the school spelling bee with the word "bikini" in fifth grade. I worked on independent studies on grade levels far above my peers. I was a truly gifted and generally well-liked student.

In middle (junior high) school, I won the spelling bee at school level all three years and missed out in the last round at district level in eighth grade to a girl who was later disqualified for cheating. I worked as a junior docent at the NM Museum of Natural History and Science, I was in the gifted program, I took advanced level courses. I had an unsteady life at home, with my mother in school (amongst other things) so I really threw myself at my education with everything I had. I was on newspaper, yearbook, peer counseling, student counsel, drama and every other special interest activity I qualified for (including a very interesting video mural project). I have letters of recommendation from nearly every teacher and adult/mentor in my life. I even found a letter from the state representative for my neighborhood expressing his gratitude that I represented the South Valley (not known for it's education per se). I got into the local Catholic school with a 97% on the entrance exam.

In high school, for once, I was average (well, in the classes I took). It was a relief in some ways, but I wonder if it was just the attention that propelled me forward up to that point. My parents, although supportive, never really praised me the way teachers and peers had. I definitely still maintained my grades (although I got my first B in Mr. Penn's Algebra/Geometry class). I fit in well enough, I never had a problem making friends. I was not able to join many activities until my junior year due to bus schedules and my parents and what-not.

You see, my parents moved to Las Vegas the summer between my Sophomore and Junior years. My mom graduated from Pharmacy School and landed a job in Sin City. They gave me the choice to stay put and live between my grandparents and my mom's best friend, or move. I chose to stay. I was very disciplined and I was, for the most part, very happy. I had a boyfriend within the first few weeks of school. He made me giddy, like the sun shone just for me every day. He was (is) smart and funny and jovial (yes, I said it, jovial). We did math homework on the phone, hung out on the weekends, wrote little love notes in class, the usual high school stuff. I joined Physics club, cooking club, drama (back stage--even though I had a small part in one play) and Speech and Debate. I literally had the perfect teenage life, except that my family was not there. So, what did I do?

I moved to Las Vegas. I did not fit in. I did not join any clubs. I got a job. I made out with lots of bad boys. I drank. I snuck out. I snick in. I skipped school (although I still managed straight A's). I rebelled. I graduated, with honors.

So, here I am at 28. I am married. I have 2 kids. I have an associates degree (or three). I work the same job I had in high school. I never realized all those big dreams everyone had for me.

Some days I am disappointed. Then I remember, I am lucky. I can find something every day that makes me happy. So happy in fact, that the disappointment is reserved for delirious ramblings at three-something in the morning.

Ketchup

2009-11-11T08:55:00.000-08:00

... or catch up, I suppose. It has been a while, again. Life has been moving at such a quick pace I hardly have time to think. I have been working 7 days a week for the last 3 weeks in addition to the capes and Halloween. I had a panic attack at work a few Fridays ago (thank goodness my doc is literally in walking distance from there). I never really thought it was something that would happen to me. I don't tend to internalize stress.

Anyway, the Halloween costumes for the kids came out phenomenal (and I do say so myself). RJ had to be a storybook character at school, so I made him a scarecrow at the last minute. I sewed patches on and cut the cuffs off an old pair of pants. I made the shirt out of flannel, sans pattern and the hat out of felt I had leftover from Peter Pan last year. His second costume was also made without a pattern. He wanted to be Darth Maul from StarWars (and not the Mad Hatter as I had hoped). So I made him a long black cloak with a hood and painted his face.

Aubrey had a few changes as well, although only one costume. I made her a green tutu a few months back and she wore it with an adorable shirt and tight set from Gymboree to the Halloween carnival. She wore another tutu, made by our friend Joann to the Halloween party at karate. The costume I made (slaved over) was Alice in Wonderland. Let me tell you, with all the pleating and folding and gathering and basting, it took forever!!!! I followed the pattern for the dress and even installed my first zipper. I made the apron without a pattern and did not complete the bib part. I still like the way it turned out once I added the accessories (and the tutu for fullness). It was a little longer than I wanted, even though I shortened it from the pattern consoderably. She may be able to wear it again next year, but most likely I will sell it and list it for a 3/4 year old.

As for the rest of it, I have been creating lots and lotsof capes. I have had the standard Batman, Superman and Spiderman...

... and then I have had people give me a lot of creative freedom. I get a theme, and initial and a color and the rest is left up to me. I created this set for 3 year-old twins:

I still have a few in transit so I will post pictures of them as soon as they are received. I am still looking forward to more girl capes. I have 2 SuperGirl capes ordered, I just have to work out the logistics and colors. I am not sure if I want them to match exactly or if I want them to be opposite. I remember my sister and I always wanted what the other one had if it was even slightly different. I am also making Aubrey a Thanksgiving dress, my first piece of every day clothing in years. I am desperately looking for an owl-print corduroy (so if you see any please let me know and I will pay shipping!!!!)

It is pictured here:

[img]http://www.craftster.org/pictures/data/500/medium/IMG_27223.JPG[/img]

I wish

2009-10-19T00:10:00.000-07:00

Powerful, totally ineffective words. Don't just wish, do.

I will make more time for myself to do what I love.

I will spend time with my husband, out of bed (sleeping people, sleeping) and listen to his dreams.

I will try harder to keep promises and focus on my relationships in life. This means friends, co-workers and acquaintances. People are important to me and I don't want to lose track of that.

I will try and focus on my body and my health and not just on those of my dear ones. I am important too.

I will allow myself to be loved, or hated for that matter, for who I am and not what I have.

Whoooo-wee

2009-09-20T23:28:00.000-07:00

I have been a busy, busy bee!! I have made 12 capes and counting in the last 2 weeks. I may have to hire someone or invest in a caffeine IV. I have on deck, 3 batman capes, a party pack of 6 (for a 4 year olds birthday party), a cupcake birthday cape, a watermelon cape (so neat!), a princess cape, little red riding hood, a firefighter AND spiderman (who doesn't have a cape, but what the heck eh?)

Here is a peek of one for a kindergarten friend of RJ's (her mom said pink and green and the rest I just ran with):

So I am also having a little contest (for my whole 6 followers, lol) on facebook... whoever recruits the most fans to my page will win a FREE cape! Yes, FREE! Katies-Capes-and-Crafts

New month, new ambitions

2009-09-01T12:13:00.001-07:00

So after a fantastic response to my two most recent capes, I have decided to give Etsy a try. You may remember me making my first set here: super-mom-to-rescue . I have since made two more for other wonderful boys.

This one reached Justin to greet him on his first full week of pre-school. You can see his cute little mug and his adorable siblings over at raisingjustinandnathan. It is blue/red reversible with a hand stitched J on the back.

This one is for my wonderful nephew Gavin. I took him to the craft store and let him pick out what he wanted. He decided on Batman, so I created the logo for that side and then Matt (my husband) suggested Super Grover to inspire the other side.

I would really love to make one for another little girl too (Aubrey is not quite old enough to fully enjoy it)! I am offering them at Etsy for $15 plus shipping, This is going to be a limited time offer to try and get out there. I have a feeling these prices will not stay low for long. Please check me out:

http://www.etsy.com/shop.php?user_id=7987068

If you have any questions at all please contact me!

Another one down

2009-08-31T22:03:00.000-07:00

Wow, another month has passed. Sometimes I wish time would just slow down a bit. My nephew turned 4 today (yay Gavin!!). I dropped my poor sister at the airport (love you Tiffy-poo). I had lunch with my Aunt (in-law? lol). I worked...

It was a long day, but it was all so short too.

I welcome September and a new adventure.

Kindergarten

2009-08-24T23:02:00.001-07:00

Kindergarten. I think that word can stand as it's own sentence today. We were both ready for him to go. Maybe he was a little more ready than I was. We had his outfit laid out last night and he has been eyeing this shirt since I brought it home a few weekends ago (thank you Traci). He got the shoes from his favorite Aunt, Regina. We can walk to the school, I don't even think it is a mile away. He knows a few of the kids from the neighborhood and from Karate, but none of them are in his class. There are 30 kids, 18 boys and 12 girls. His teacher's name is Mrs. Richman. RJ is the tallest boy in his class (measuring at 46.5 inches this afternoon). There was a little girl I didn't see this morning that has even him by a few inches. He was happy to see me after a few short hours and wished he could stay longer. Aubrey missed him a lot, but I think she and I can find something to do for a little while.

Death and the Woo-woo

2009-08-19T13:51:00.000-07:00

Some people just seem to be conduits and some times I am one of them. When Matt, the kids and I were out in the desert about a month ago I had this creepy calm float over me. I looked at Matt and told him someone was going to die. He is in tune to me, so he knows when I have feelings like this they are normally accurate. Then two days later the crows started talking to Nana (my maternal grandmother) at the cabin. So now, someone is dying. I don't know if this was what we were feeling or not. I guess I will only know when everything has resolved. I shut out this side of me a lot, but I guess I need to embrace it. My dad just calls it "woo-woo" since it is something he doesn't understand. I married a man who is perhaps more in tune with it than I am. Just thought I would share.

Uncle Jack

2009-08-18T20:56:00.001-07:00

He is my great-uncle, uncle Jack, and a great uncle he is. I say is because he is not gone, yet. To my knowledge his heart still beats so I can not, will not use the past tense. It is so sad in many ways that it takes a great loss to have fond memories come flooding back. I need to try and remember good things daily, not just when I am sad.

A little background about Great Uncle Jack: He is married to my Nana's sister, Carol and Nana is my mom's mama. They have three kids, Amy, Kelly and Mike. I have a stuffed teddy bear named after Mike (from when I was little) and he is the only one I refer to in the familiar form (his sisters I call Aunt). They have 2 grandkids, Tom and Joy.

Aunt Carol and Uncle Jack are like another set of grandparents to me. I remember staying with them for a few days when I was about 4 or 5 when my parents went to Disneyland. I remember very much Uncle Jack playing Santa Claus at the church every Christmas. Sara (my sister) and I always felt so special that we knew Santa! He always made sure to give us a special wink and a candy cane. We looked forward to it all year. This one is certainly a hard one for me. I think I last saw Uncle Jack when RJ was very small. I have a picture somewhere and will have to dig it up. In the meantime I have this one that his son, Mike, took and I love it.

So Uncle Jack, whatever or whoever is calling you home, I hope you find peace. You are loved now, you will always be loved.

Fabulous Find Friday!

2009-08-14T22:44:00.000-07:00

I am liking the alliteration titles the past 2 days. I have seen a lot of blogger buzz about Weekend Sewing by Heather Ross . So when I was at Joann's picking up supplies for a secret pal gift I thought I would look for it. As luck would have it, I was sans children. I spent probably 5 solid minutes in the book section. I didn't see it until I was about to leave (the cover is different). So I picked one up, with my 40% off coupon. I am excited about it! There are patterns in the front and back covers. I read the forward and she seems like the perfect person to inspire me to take on small projects when I can. These are projects that I really think I can accomplish on my downtime.

I also picked up a few fall things for the kids today at the Children's Orchard in new condition (as in tags still attached) from Gymboree and Gap, 5 shirts and 2 sweaters for about $25. Then I visited my thrift store here in the BC and found a few books from the 19-teens for my sister at less than $2 a piece along with some McCall's patterns from the 70's at $0.25 a piece.

Aubrey and I also enjoyed lunch together while the boys were out playing in the desert. All in all it was a wonderful Friday (other than Matt not receiving his paycheck from Portland for the second time in a row!!

Thankful Thursday

2009-08-13T23:36:00.000-07:00

I am thankful today for my children. Although they fight and argue and cry and scream; they pout and whine and yell and shout;

but they also love and snuggle and kiss and hug; they wiggle and dance and smile and laugh.

I am thankful that I can sit and read a book while they keep each other occupied.

I am also thankful that girls are so much easier to potty train than boys are.

I am also really thankful for a husband who understands that I have off days, and that I need days off. He doesn't always complain that the dishes aren't done and that the floors aren't swept. He will quietly do all of these things when he senses that I have had enough. Sure, he may not do it with a smile on his face or a whistle on his lips, but he is my partner. He treats me like a queen in so many ways that I often take for granted. I haven't taken the trash out once in 6 years. I don't clean my car, I don't do gross boy things like squashing bugs and cleaning toilets. So I am acknowledging this family I have and am thankful for today.

WIWOW

2009-08-12T20:31:00.000-07:00

This little crafty blogging adventure is courtesy of cute2carry. Mostly, I have been cooking and baking the past few weeks. I am re-doing one of our rooms into a craft room for me. I am going to try and pursue this hobby of mine with more vigor. I told Matt it would make all the difference if I didn't have to pack everything up each night. I get so tired of pulling things out and putting them back that I just don't bother most days. I finished my bag from this tutorial ,but no pictures before I gave it away (it was on a whim and a patient of mine really, really appreciated it--she is going through her second round of Chemo).

Butter topped white bread

Fat-free blueberry cream cheese muffins (except the butter for Matt!)

Rye Bread Loaf and Round

So there are two projects I am currently working on. I am knitting a blanket for RJ and have completed one panel of 9! Thank goodness it doesn't get cold here too fast. If I get one done per week we will be okay.

The other project I have started is a lap quilt. They are 6.5" squares in a 6x9 pattern that I have not laid out at the moment. I do have everything cut though. This is my second quilt ever but the first since I was a teenager (gasp, more than 10 years now).

Ahhhh, it ends tonight ...

2009-07-31T01:50:00.000-07:00

... the month of July that is. I am tired, exhausted, or what have you. My shingles are now nothing more than an itchy patch of dry skin ... but there is much more wounding on my heart. I am facing the unknown and I am scared. I do not know day-to-day what my future holds. I am lost and grasping, all the whilst holding two children and my husband with dear might. We are weighing our options and fretting over every decision. Where to move, what to do, when to jump? I am leaning farther and farther over, reverting to what I knew as a child ... considering returning to the church that brought me joy and support. My faith has wavered here and there, I have not practiced actively since high school. I just know I need the power of something greater to guide me.

Less than a MONTH!

2009-07-29T00:07:00.000-07:00

More from my newest fun online toy polyvore today! On to back to school ... or in our case, first to school? Haha!

RJ picked these out:

BTS RJ/SM Gymboree by KatieQ89123 featuring Converse shoes

With Converse shoes. He is on a soldier kick right now and is all about the Camo. All of this (except shoes) is from ... you guessed it ... Gymboree

Our second set of options is a mix of Old Navy and Crazy8, most of which we own. I am not typically into character or movie tees, etc. but he loves them right now and these look retro, so I can roll with it.

RJ's requests by KatieQ89123 featuring DC Shoes
I can not believe that my son is starting kindergarten in less than a month!!! He is ready, mentally, but I am not. I haven't wrapped my head around it yet. It should be exciting times for all of us though.

So what is your vote on the school outfits? I will probably let him pick it out... but input is always appreciated. Yes, it is hot here, but he will be rough and tumbling on concrete and asphalt too so pants may be a good idea.

This is a neat new virtual toy

2009-07-28T15:55:00.001-07:00

I am having SO much fun with this toy. You can "clip" clothing from any number of sites and create outfits. This is my first set, the new line by Gymboree for Miss Aubrey. I am off to work on a Back-to-School look for RJ now too! Yay.

Gymboree Little Hearts by KatieQ89123 on Polyvore.com

WW, on Friday

2009-07-24T23:11:00.000-07:00

Just a little request

2009-07-11T22:21:00.000-07:00

OK, anyone who knows me well knows I am not very religious. I have dabbled (for lack of a better term) and do believe in something bigger... but not necessarily God as defined by any one religion and/or book. That being noted, please... this family needs strength and if you have any to spare in whatever way it is you do, please send it.

What I'm working on Wednesday

2009-07-08T23:45:00.001-07:00

This blogging idea is from cute2carry! What I am working on Wednesday might just be the inspiration I need! Currently I am actually working on a bag from this tutorial! I have everything cut and interfaced, I just have to piece together and sew. Hopefully I can knock that out tomorrow night. I am still in a considerable amount of pain, but projects are keeping my mind off of it! Here are my fabrics:

I am also working on a cape for a precious little boy named Justin. I am not posting pictures of it until I have it perfect and have his mama's final approval. I can tell you it is blue and red and reversible though!

The other thing I am working on, as a personal aside, is potty training Aubrey. She did phenomenal today! She loves her big girl undies and refused a diaper all day. So a big way to go to her today... and a pat on the back for me!

I had to throw this one in just because he is such a good big brother. He holds her hand wherever we go. She will actually run after him and yell "hand!" if he forgets. I just hope they stay friends for a long, long time.

Yes I am

2009-07-04T00:54:00.001-07:00

Our wedding story:

http://wackiestwedding.blogspot.com/

Days 4 and 5

2009-06-29T20:13:00.000-07:00

Days 4 and 5 have been pretty bad as well. I think I am getting used to the pain. It has spread under my left arm now. I have a patch there and also some more lesions moving to the front on top of my left breast. The pain, it is hard to describe. It itches and burns like road rash, but it also aches like a bruise.

Day 4, Sunday

Day 5, Monday
You can sort of see some of the small blisters popping up on the front. So far, I have gotten some relief from after sun spray containing lidocaine and aloe. The oral pain relievers are relatively useless. Ibuprofen has taken down a lot of the swelling. The Valtrex seems to have slowed the spread some, but not completely stopped it.

Yuck

2009-06-27T19:16:00.000-07:00

Yes, these pictures are kind of gross to look at. I have had a few people tell me it looks like heat rash. I can assure you it is not heat rash. The only logical explanation is shingles. The blisters are starting to form and should rupture in the next day or two. I haven't found any relief yet. My grandfather suggested anything containing capsaicin. I have been using aloe and some after sun care with lidocaine. It helps for a few moments. The rash has started under my left arm now and the sensitivity across my chest remains. I took a Percocet last night and all it did was make me nauseous, even with food before bed. So back to ibuprofen and plain tylenol... and lots of deep breathing. I think I'd rather go through unmedicated labor, at least that is over in 24 hours or less!

WTH are you feeding this girl?

2009-06-26T23:43:00.000-07:00

It is a good question I suppose. I took Aubrey to get her chicken pox (varicella) vaccine yesterday to hopefully lessen the chance of her catching them from me. So we did the well baby check at the same time. She was 33.5 inches and 32lbs. 6 ounces! Yes, she weighs nearly a pound an inch. The doctor asked me what the heck she eats (she said heck, yes). I told her Aubrey is not picky (because she's not). She eats table food, veggies, fruit, grains, whatever it is I feed her. She is also still nursing. This is something I am struggling with, but in the meantime she is still being indulged. So I have a big, healthy, happy girl!

She stole RJ's breakfast off the counter when I took her out of her high chair. Maybe that is why she is so chunky?

Shingles! Not the kind on your roof...

2009-06-26T15:29:00.000-07:00

Yep, I have shingles. I am 28 and other than being a little overweight, healthy. Stress, well yes, I have stress. So I suppose this is how it has chosen to manifest itself. It started with burning tingly skin. Then about 24 hours later the first set of rashy lesions appeared:
Another 24 hours later they have spread and hurt like hell and itch so bad at the same time. I am freaking miserable. I am on Valtrex and the doctor gave me a painkiller. Too bad that makes me super nauseous without relieving any discomfort.
I do not think I can handle months of this! Ugh, I will be updating here and there. I am mostly chronicling for my own record.

My first tutu!

2009-06-21T02:05:00.000-07:00

So I made my first tutu today. I went to Joann's since the tulle was on sale (for $0.78 per yard). I only bought a half yard of each red, white and blue. I had the elastic waist at home and I had some red, white and blue ribbons in my ribbon stash. I'd read several places that all you need to do was sew the waist band and then slip-knot the tulle on. It really is that easy! I added some ribbon (I might add more) and I am done! I do have some blanket binding I may attempt to cover the waist with (to protect her skin). I also have a very cute red and white gingham swing top and white bloomers for her to wear. I am excited! I have 2 weeks to make it perfect.

A side view, it could be fuller and I would buy more material next time although I am super happy with the length.

From the top, I will be adding more ribbon and may change it out for the 1/8" instead of the 3/8" using it every spacing.

I took this picture as soon as we woke up Sunday morning.

Where did my week go?

2009-06-18T21:33:00.001-07:00

It's Thursday already????

OK, I have no idea where my week went. I feel like I still haven't accomplished much of anything. I have a clean kitchen and porch, I got the kids rooms cleaned out. I have one of those 4 foot long 3 foot wide tubs full of baby clothes that no longer fit (having a girl was notgood for my budget). I scrubbed and scoured all day, but I didn't get anything done that I want to do. I have a finished dress that I am not happy with the top on, a half finished purse that I want to add grommets instead of button-holes one and about 15 scrapbook pages that just aren't quite right.

Am I being neurotic? Probably. I am also overly tired and stressed out about finances (who isn't anymore?). I mean, we're fine, we'll make it, it is just another thing that I am not happy with our position on.

Oh, and the lady at the front office gave Aubrey a peppermint patty when I wasn't looking and see what happened:

So we had a bath and tooth brushing in the bathroom sink (because I hadn't cleaned the tub yet).

Baseball practice went well, other than RJ running after every ball whether it was hit towards him (at third base) or the other way. Enough ramblings for the evening, goodnight.

Sigh, Sunday

2009-06-14T20:07:00.000-07:00

So I have taken an emotional time-out for the last week. I think I am ready to jump back into things. We've had a lot happen this week, including a trip to the Emergency Room for a split chin. RJ is signed up again for baseball and will start on Thursday night this week. He is excited, and hopefully it will keep him busy for the summer. We just need to find a mommy and me class for Aubrey and I to take at the Community Center. She sure could use a little socialization (her skills are seriously lacking).

Today we went on a spectacular drive, which I wish I had the specifics for. Matt always seems to find the best trails. Here are a few pictures from the first stop, some petroglyphs and the family in Keyhole Canyon:

If you are into Geology at all then this is one heck of a place to go. There is so much variety and these rocks have been violently altered through history (eons). You can see the veins running through in some places and just the differences from one hill to the next (or in the same formation) are amazing. I won't bore anyone with specifics, but here are a few of my favorites:

We took a power line road over the mountain range (or through it) and to the Colorado River. It was a LONG drive with views to-die-for (almost literally, it was so steep) and lots of changing scenery. This was our highest point, we were so far up I swear I can see the Atlantic (well maybe not that far).

We played in the Colorado for a while before heading home. Right before we got into the town of Nelson I spotted some big horn sheep on the left side of the road. Matt walked barefoot across the asphalt to take a picture for me (is he a good husband or what?)

It was a great day all around, a much needed respite. The kids were exhausted (as am I) and Matt went to bed at least an hour earlier than usual. As for the rest of my day-to-day activities, they have been put on hold once again. I will resume, as scheduled, to the best of my abilities.

Oh what a Saturday

2009-06-06T10:50:00.000-07:00

So, in good Irish Catholic fashion I decided to drink tonight. We had our lovely babysitter, Aunt Mandy. Mandy is a childhood friend of Matt and his sister, Regina. She is beautiful and happy and bubbly ... even Aubrey, hater of all people, ran into her arms this evening. She watched the kids so that Matt and I could attend a wedding reception. We came home and RJ had dressed himself in this:

Matt and I attended for about an hour. It was almost painfully uncomfortable. I know Matt would love to rekindle this friendship in another setting, so hopefully they will get in contact again soon. Hopefully it meant something that after 15 years, Matt attended this union. It really was a beautiful ring ceremony and reception. We kind of left early though, me being in an emotional state already, and went to the bar. Here is the dress I wore (although I had some spanx on to suck in the rest of the belly!!!):

The second picture is of Aubrey and I as we are about to leave. I think I over the fiasco that surrounded my attendance at the funeral. Let us hope so, because I have been angry and unable to focus. Matt (who is spiritually sensitive) says that grandma bears no ill feelings and understand my inability to attend at the hands of my father. So tomorrow, hopefully, I will be emotionally stable again and can get back on track with this and everything else. One more night to wallow in sorrow fits the bill.

Goodnight,

Grandma

2009-06-05T21:44:00.000-07:00

Dear grandma,

I am sorry I held a grudge and never got the chance to tell you I love you again. I am sorry that you never got pictures of your great-granddaughter. I am sorry that I didn't forgive you before it was too late. These are things I will live with and I hope that you can forgive me.

I do want you to know that no matter what you said or did, I loved you immensely. I have some really great memories of times we spent together. I remember when you came to Albuquerque to visit once and took Sara and I to the zoo. I remember that you cut across six lanes of traffic because you were about to turn the wrong way. You also bought us ice cream and snacks, which our parents never did (a perk of grandmotherhood). I remember visiting you "down the shore" when I was little. You would always sneak me a salt water taffy.

When I was 14, I got to stay with you for an entire month. I think I must have put you through the ringer, but you kept me busy. We went to Longwood Gardens, we saw a Celtic band with Uncle Martin, and you took me to the mall about every other day. I had a great tan because you would sit at the pool with me for hours when it wasn't raining. We went on a trolley tour of Philadelphia, driven by Uncle Martin. We went to the Benjamin Franklin Institute and ate hoagies and Philly cheese steaks. I can't forget all the pretzels I ate either! Or Pinocchio's. I developed a love of Philadelphia I wouldn't have known otherwise. We went to Ocean City and I got to meet Uncle Walter before he passed away ... and hang out with Julie, who I idolized that summer (other than the Jeep burns!). Fourth of July was probably still one of the best I've had hanging out with all of the Owsiks (and there are a LOT of them!!). You even needed a break (who wouldn't at half your age?) and I stayed with Uncle Pete and Aunt Helen in Cherry Hill where I ate a ton of "vitamin I" and got to see Picasso at the MoMA in New York City. We played Scrabble a lot and you even let me win sometimes. I had to look your words up in the dictionary! You let me cook for you and ate my manicotti without one complaint even when I inadvertently added cilantro instead of parsley. There was so much more that summer, but the best times were just sitting and talking to you. There was a lot I learned from you grandma, about your history, about life in general. You certainly never apologized for being you.

The last time I saw you was when you touched my newborn son and welcomed him into the world. You would be proud grandma, he is becoming a wonderful person. One day I will bring them to visit you and Pepop.

I love you, I'll miss you.

One of those days

2009-06-04T22:58:00.000-07:00

MC 900 ft. Jesus

"Adventures in Failure"

(see playlist at bottom to hear the song)

No post today, just this... it seems fitting for my mood.

Damn I hate this job

to work in this dump you gotta be a snob

everybody gets on my nerves in this place

I think I'll take the afternoon off from the rat race

an exciting career

don't amount to much but a pain in the rear

I bust my ass all day for a dollar

and then I go home and listen to the kids holler

devoted spouse waitin' in the den

wants to hit me upside the head with a rolling pin

does that ring a bell?

a daily routine we all know well

I'm makin' more but enjoyin' it less

the good life's mainly causin' me stress

making a change is difficult but

I gotta try to get out of this rut

but fear seems to be holdin' me back

courage is the principle trait I lack

I gotta calm my nerves so I can think

I pour myself a nice stiff drink

and another this is my usual mode

one for the money and ten for the road

ah, now everything is clear

I gotta get the hell out of here

Yes now my mission is plain

a Big Mac is calling my name

I gotta sample some of Ronald's cooking

so I raid my wifes purse when she's not looking

pondering the wonderful thing called marriage

I accidentally back the car into a baby carriage

'scuse me ma'am I'd love to stay and chat

but watch where you're going next time you old bat

I hit the gas and zoom down the block

leave 'er in the dust yellin' for the cops s

wervin' round a corner tryin' to steer

I get so excited I almost spill my beer

a neighbourhood dog is yappin' at my bumper

so I slam on the brakes and I hear a big thump

I jump the curb and land up on a lawn

then I finish my beer and turn the radio on

some idiot's goin' on about rehab

I grab a brew and yank on the pull tab

here comes a little old lady with a shot gun I

put the pedal to the metal and she runs

digging on my off-road driving power

I do a donut in a bed of flowers

then I jerk the wheel a little to hard

the car rolls over and over on out of the yard

(Causin' much destruction)

(Act the fool)

I come to rest in the middle of the street

a bunch of empty beer cans rattlin' at my feet

starin' in the window is a nosy little brat

I look him in the eyes and say "I meant to do that"

then I notice my watch says I'm overdue

for my big appointment at the local drive through

I do a number on the accelerator

and I'm cuttin' in line about thirty seconds later

whaddya think this is? some kinda joke?

gimme 10 Big Macs and a small diet coke

I pull up to the window with my radio playin'

I grab the bag and leave without payin'

I weave down the road for a block

jugglin' a beer and a a styrofoam box

pull into a parking lot and kill the motor

presently I notice a peculiar odour

a little black smoke is risin' from the hood

somethings gonna happen and it's probably not good

I open the door grab my stuff and go

just in time to watch the whole thing blow

the car explodes with a bang and a hiss

Oh boy, my wife is gonna really like this

I can't believe this is happenin' to me

this piece of junk's goin' back to the factory

this was a blatant attempt on my life

everyone will fall for that except my wife

but wait a plan begins to emerge

I suddenly have an overwhelming urge

to spend the night in the great outdoors

my suburban lifestyle has become a bore

I'll build me a fire and finish my burgers

what my wife don't know won't hurt

her I leave the scene of the unhappy event

resolved to make the most of my predicament

a few yards away I feel better

I know! I'll write 'er a letter

or better yet a ransom demand

got your husband send the money understand?

or else we'll send his head home in a jar

P.S. sorry 'bout the car

Yeah, now that ought to really do the trick

I'll be gettin' off the hook and she'll be worried sick

but really, I'm gonna make it up to you honey

I'll buy you a new car with your own damned money

I walk a while into the sunset

a man, at peace with the world, you bet

nothing can diminish my total enjoyment

except when I pass my place of employment

Damn I hate this job

to work in this dump you gotta be a snob

everybody gets on my nerves in this place I think

I'll take the afternoon off from the rat race

(Hard like a criminal)

Prayers and bread

2009-06-03T22:48:00.000-07:00

So, I think my grandmother has given up. She is 93, I think. She has pneumonia. The doctors say that she could pull through if she wanted to, but she doesn't want to anymore. She lives alone, not that my many uncles, aunts and cousins don't do everything she needs them to. Please, those of you who read, pray that she is comfortable in life or passing.

Tonight is a bread making night. I am making homemade rye, from a recipe my mother gave me. I will post pictures and the recipe tomorrow. As for that dress, I have decided to modify it but need some more material, which I am waiting for in the mail. They were out at the Joann's closest to me (I need the same material).

I also have the cutest pincushion idea! I think I will be able to turn a few of those out in the near future. Hint: they will be shaped like fruit and have storage. I have also created 3 layouts (scrapbook) to match some of this summers Gymboree lines.

I will be working a lot the next few days as Matt is again out of work. Then we have the wedding Saturday, all of which may be blown depending on what happens with my grandmother. Much love, goodnight.

Is this MY house?

2009-06-02T22:50:00.000-07:00

I have been so engrossed in projects recently that I have neglected my house some. I guess the breaking point was when I realized RJ was going commando today! Bad mommy, I know. So tonight I am doing laundry and making patterns. This way I don't drag too many things out tonight. One day I will have a room where I can spread out all of my projects without fear of little hands getting into things.

In the meantime, I will make more effort to clean up as I go!

Did I mention that I have lots of wedding related things to do this week? I have to buy gifts, which is the fun part. Then I have to go to a wedding of Matt's friend from high school (class of '92! lol). I have heard numerous stories about these guys, but it will be interesting to see how they have all grown up (he is marrying someone younger than me!). Then I am going to be in a wedding next Wednesday. My ex-boyfriends wedding to be exact! Yes, I know, I know... but the bride is one of my best friends. So this should be an interesting few days finding something to wear and something to suck it all in.

A check-up and a giggle

2009-06-01T21:58:00.000-07:00

I went to the doctor today as a follow-up appointment. I told him I was not taking the Zoloft. I just don't think I need it, so I never filled it. He said he thinks I still show some signs of clinical depression, but that if I want to try diet and exercise first he would like to see me once every few weeks. All of my blood work came back normal. I do not have thyroid problems, high cholesterol or STD's! Thank goodness on that last one, or I would be writing this from a jail cell. I have also lost 6.5 lbs. since the last visit and 10lbs. since my birthday (March 25th). So my current weight is 182 . Yes, I made that a smaller font! OK, OK that said 182! No where near where I need or want to be, but I am happy with that for now.

So on a funny note, this is what happens when you let your 14 month old feed herself applesauce:

Cheerios too!

She likes to smear lotion/sunscreen on herself so she must have decided this was a suitable texture as well.

Goodnight!

Sewing machine month

2009-06-01T13:51:00.000-07:00

The ladies over at sew mama sew are doing a whole series about sewing machines this month. Since it is something I've recently picked up again, I think I will participate. I have 2 machines, but since one is still in New Mexico I will write about my first.

What brand and model do you have? A Brother VX-1120
How long have you had it? almost 10 years, since December 1999
How much does that machine cost (approximately)? This model is about $100 brother-vx1120
What types of things do you sew (i.e. quilting, clothing, handbags, home dec. projects, etc.)? Mostly it has been used for costumes and home dec. projects
How much do you sew? I sew a few times a week right now.
How much wear and tear does the machine get? I sew quickly, so sometimes it will shake the table. I don't do a lot of denim/dense projects.
Do you like/love/hate your machine? Are you ambivalent? Passionate? Does she have a name?
I really do like my machine, it is simple and easy to use/thread. She doesn't have a name but I think I may call her Belle.
What features does your machine have that work well for you? an on/off switch? Haha. She is very simple and straightforward. At least she goes in reverse.
Is there anything that drives you nuts about your machine? No.
Do you have a great story to share about your machine? I was depressed and living away from home when I got it. At first I was kind of upset that I got something practical... but then I made my first pillowcase, and then some curtains, and then I appliqued a fabulous pair of jeans. I have used it periodically since then when I need a pick-me-up. Now that I have 2 kids and stay home I use it all the time.
Would you recommend the machine to others? Why? I would recommend this machine to novice sew-ers and people who periodically decide to make things. There are not a lot of special features and it didn't come with any additional feet. It does get the job done though.
What factors do you think are important to consider when looking for a new machine? I think it is important to decide what exactly you will be using the machine before. I need something that is all-purpose.
Do you have a dream machine? I would LOVE something that embroiders but am not particular on brand. I own this and the Singer Inspiration 4228

Silly Sunday

2009-05-31T22:48:00.000-07:00

I think I am regaining balance. This is definitely a good thing. This morning Matt was going through some CD's his mom gave him. We're talking his senior year in high school (1992) or so. He puts one in and it is Bel Biv Devoe Poison. I was in 4th grade when this came out, but I had babysitters who were in high school. I remember this song, but never really listened to the lyrics until Matt was belting them out. "never trust a big but and a smile" ? Then Aubrey started to bust a move. It was hysterical, I was rolling around laughing so hard as she dropped her little booty! Of course that just egged her on more.

The rest of the day was tame. We stocked up on our essentials and went to the park with the kids. I hope I never want to sit on the bench and watch again. I really like playing with them, it makes us all happy. We had hot dogs and watermelon for dinner and I am still smiling about the whole day.

A little brag about Matt

2009-05-30T21:53:00.000-07:00

Scrumptious Saturday? Well, not really. I worked all day today and made breakfast for dinner. Today I really think I will brag about my husband for a minute. He has set out on a one man mission to clean up our surrounding desert. There are hundreds of square miles of desert. So, he has been tackling one road at a time. Today alone he brought 840lbs (yes, with a "0") of crap to the dump. He has been doing this for a little over a month now. I have created a separate blog to start chronicling his progress. You can see it here: area clean-up

I have come up with 2 more cape designs as they seem to be something of interest around my immediate real-life area and online. I will have to wait almost a week so I can get what I need (or want) to create the perfect toddler capes, as well as ones for older kids (I think the toddler capes should be a little shorter and easier to pull off).

I have dishes to do tonight and depending on how ambitious I am after that I may finally finish the dress I started early in the week.

Get off your ***

2009-05-29T21:54:00.000-07:00

That is what I have told myself every day for the last 2 weeks. You know what? It's working. I knew I didn't need anti-depressants (not that I am against them, I work in a pharmacy you know?). That and blogging has been cathartic. It keeps me honest, to put it all out there (maybe not ALL out there). I wanted to be lazy today, but instead I got up and ready, got the kids ready and we set out on a walk. We went to the library (not even a half-mile from here). I looked at the dismal, outdated crafting selection and the kids had a puppet show. When we came home I decided we should have a picnic. I took some (in my opinion) great pictures:

Then a storm started to roll in, which was nice because the temperature dropped. It rained off and on (sprinkled mostly) for about an hour. RJ was outside doing a rain dance and Aubrey and I played on the porch.

Matt made chicken and rice for dinner while the kids and I played at the park. Now everyone is asleep and I have the house to myself. I am not sure if I will work on anything tonight or not. I am enjoying a cherry chocolate float at the moment and may lose myself in a game of bounce out.

Super mom to the rescue!!

2009-05-28T23:20:00.000-07:00

That project I was telling you about last night? Well, RJ loves it. He woke up this morning and put it on, he even wore it to the post office. He told everyone "my mommy made it for me" with a big grin on his face. I got teary eyed at one point when an older woman told him "mommy loves you more than you will ever know, and even I can see that because she made that cape with love".

He just woke up, don't mind the skivvies!

Showing off the car print on the other side.

So tonight when I got home from work, we went for a swim (or shall I say RJ went for a swim). He is getting more comfortable in the water and will even jump in to the deep end with his floaties on. He had a pair of goggles I bought him and thought it was so cool to see the bottom. Good thing he's finally learned not to breathe underwater, eh?

When we got back from the pool, RJ went right to sleep. He had a long day of playing since Matt took them to the lake when I went to work. He said they stayed until the sun went down. So I set off to do another project, a cape for Aubrey. I had some cute strawberry and plaid coordinating prints, so I modified my last template and came up with this one:

I think I need to make a few more tweaks. I would like to fuse the fabrics together and applique a design on each side. I like the fact that is is currently reversible to the appliques will have to go on before I sew them together. The other projects I was working on? They're still in progress, I am just trying to go with the flow. It is much easier than trying to force myself into doing something.

Thrift Store treasures

2009-05-27T19:53:00.000-07:00

There is a local thrift store called "Experienced Merchandise" where I go frequently for treasures. I have patterns from the 1960's and 1970's, LOADS of bake ware, I even got a microwave (in great working condition) for $5. Today I found this:

It just looked like it had so many possibilities! So I bought it at a whopping $1.50, along with 4 packages of blanket binding, a new pincushion, and a really good wood-handled crochet hook (total $3.50). I knew I was going to use it for storage of my many arts and crafts products. I chose to have one drawer for ink and one for stamps. With the bookplates though I can change my mind at some point in the future. I went into my paper stash and chose 4 coordinating prints from the Spring 2009 DCWV Stack. I cut 3 inch squares and started a pattern. Here is my finished product (except it needs another coat of white paint and possibly some embellishments).

What happened to the dress I was making? Well, I put it on hold and am going to work on something else. This bag from cute2carry is just adorable and "sew" easy to make! These are the materials I am using:

Hopefully I will have this finished tonight or tomorrow sometime and then I may be able to start on Aubrey's dress. I also have a great plan for RJ from plum pear apple (she is a genius!) and some cute material to do it with. He will be so excited, I hope I can wrap it up and get him on camera opening it; he and Aubrey run around like this every morning:

I am feeling inspired and happy with how much I am accomplishing right now.

My Karate Kid and Green Husband

2009-05-26T20:22:00.000-07:00

... Or maybe I should call him my Taekwondo kid? RJ has again surprised everyone (maybe one day I'll stop being shocked). He was the loudest, he listened the most intently, he hit the hardest AND he did 10 push ups, the "grown-up" way. I can't even do 10 without struggling!! Maybe I should take Taekwondo too? After class he waited patiently and asked the teacher what he could do at home to practice. She thought I prompted him! I didn't, he is just really eager to learn. I think this might be one of the best things we have done for him. Now if only I could get him to concentrate so completely on phonetics!

Matt has decided to start taking pictures of everything he's been cleaning up in the desert around BC. He goes every Saturday morning, while the rest of us are still snoozing, and picks up random dump sites (I can't believe these MORONS dump stuff in the desert and not in a dumpster!!). So far he has collected enough trash to fill the back of the truck five, yes 5, times! I may start a separate blog just dedicated to what he finds (or I may keep a weekly post here). These pictures were taken on yesterday's trip. He cleaned up some road signs people had stolen for target practice (don't even get me started on the entitlement that runs rampant anymore). The second is just a picture of the town we live in from where we were in the desert.

As for today, I am in the process of making a dress for Aubrey and will have a detailed progress post with pictures tomorrow!

Halloween in May

2009-05-25T22:26:00.000-07:00

Oh boy. Today was a good Memorial Day, we relaxed and shopped (who doesn't like to shop?). I managed to avoid the one place I wanted to go, but am banning myself from until next payday (any guesses? LOL).

Matt bought me a stash of sewing supplies since most of mine are still in dear old ABQ. I have my sewing machine set up in a little corner and I am ready to get to work. Who needs a Halloween costume (yes, I know it isn't even June yet)? We are doing a family theme this year again. Last year we were Peter Pan (RJ), Tinkerbell (Aubrey) and Wendy (me). RJ has decided that this year we will have costumes from Alice in Wonderland! I am actually excited about this and not JUST because Tim Burton has decided to do another that looks AWESOME!!

Did I mention that Johnny Depp is the Mad Hatter? Yummy!!!

Anyway, back to the family thing... RJ wants mommy to be Alice (awwww, that's sweet... but I think Aubrey is blonder and cuter!) So Aubrey will be Alice. RJ will be the Cheshire cat, which should be fun to make! I am planning to be the queen of hearts. I like the costume and I get to do crazy make-up. Matt will be the Mad_Hatter, naturally. I will try and keep up with pictures and what not as I go. I will probably do the adult costumes first because they are larger and because the kids will most likely grow between now and then. I am SO excited about this Halloween though!! Yeah, I am starting soon

Chill Sunday

2009-05-24T20:47:00.000-07:00

Today was just another day, nothing spectacular happened. We had RJ's best buddy spend the night last night and they were up egging each other on well past midnight. This morning I ran 7 loads of laundry and Matt did the bathrooms. We dropped off RJ's friend and went to Joann's house for a quick bbq and dip in the pool. We stopped to get root beer float fixins on the way home and are now chilling out.

Best Dam Barbeque

2009-05-23T20:17:00.001-07:00

Another scrumptious Saturday!! This time it was all about the eating though! Matt heard about the best dam barbecue cook off here in the BC. So we decided to get some friends together and check it out. We scoped it out on Friday evening, when everything was already set up and oh the smells! It is within a reasonable walking distance from the house, so we set out in 2 different parties. The "girls" and the "boys".

The first thing we had were sno cones since most of the booths were out of ice by 1:15pm (it opened at 10:00am). We sat in the shade in front of City Hall. Then we went and looked around for some grub! There was a huge line for whiskey ranch bbq which one of our friends waited in. They had loads of trophies, but I really was not THAT impressed. It was good, don't get me wrong, but I've had better. The beans were good, as was the pulled pork but the mac'n'cheese was TERRIBLE. I also tried ozark bbq they had killer beef ribs, but the extra sauce was a little much. The potato salad and beans were average. Overall it was a stuff your face kind of day and we all enjoyed ourselves (good thing the beer tent opened before 3:00!). Good food, GREAT atmosphere and even better company.

TGIF

2009-05-22T21:29:00.000-07:00

Thank goodness indeed. It was an interesting week for me. Matt was out of town on business and I was home with the munchkins. I am very grateful that he was able to work as much as he did (70 hours). I also put in some hours with the help of Joann, a dear friend. She took on both of my monkeys as needy and energetic as they can be.

So, Matt and I had a conversation about finances and my general well being, and yes, they are related. I would like to be a full-time SAHM who also brings in some dinero. I would LOVE to turn some of my hobbies into income generators. He has more faith in my than I have in myself. He knows what I am capable of. So, he has decided to (finally) take over all of the bills and to "bankroll" an endeavor once I come up with a sound plan and a budget. Easier said than done!

I have several ideas, but most of them revolve around my affair with gymboree and all the cuteness they have. I have found a group of equally obsessed mamas at gymboplace. Talk about needing a 12-step program now? So anyway, there is a huge demand for "M2M" or Made to Match products. I see a lot of hair bows and some jewelry ... but I am good at things like sewing and paper crafts so my idea is scrapbook pages, handbags, grocery bags, etc. I am going to have to do a little research first ... but it seems viable to me. I'll keep you guys posted!!

Think it through Thursday

2009-05-21T13:00:00.001-07:00

I have been trying to figure out how I can focus more. Generally, I lose interest in things quickly. I will go at them full-force for days or weeks and then I just can't bring myself to do it anymore. This is sad because I really think I have a knack for certain things. I can knit, for one. I made this hat for Aubrey (along with about 15 others) in one week... and then, nada.

I also had a craft website once, I maintained it for about a month. I even had a few buyers, who I refunded because I got sidetracked, lost in work, RJ ... it was always something. I have done the same thing with Ebay. I can list a million things at once, but don't have the fortitude to open my own "store" and maintain it. I also make Halloween costumes ... like these two from 06 and 07:

So aside from going to the doctor and arguing my case for ADHD, I think I just need to schedule some ME time. Hopefully I can figure out what I really want, think it through thoroughly, and act on it.

A better day

2009-05-20T23:08:00.000-07:00

Today was definitely a better day. The kids and I had blueberry pancakes fro breakfast. RJ and I cleaned his room and donated some of the many toys he has. I've been trying to explain to him that there are others who don't have what we have. There are little kids who would love ONE of the toys he has and that he can't miss something he has forgotten about. (Maybe I should do the same with some of my "toys"). I think it is sinking in, as he came out with an armload of toys he DOES play with and offered to give them away too.

We skipped Taekwondo tonight (Matt is still in Scottsdale) and went to play at the park down the street (mama needed a walk) and then had a night in with movies, popcorn and pizza rolls. I got lots of giggles with raspberries on bellies and playing airplane (what a leg workout lifting that 54 pounds of muscle I call son).

Aubrey has been a happy baby the past few days. She is playing by herself more and giving mama a break. I really like this age, when they decide independence is not so bad after all.

I really enjoy days like this, with the kids, doing simple things. We are all still happy and it didn't cost me a dime.

Oh me, oh my!

2009-05-19T23:09:00.000-07:00

What a day it was. It was just one of those days that I should have stayed in bed. I shouldn't have left the house. I should have cleaned all day like I planned and caught up on all the other things I have to do. No, I didn't do that. I went to the Coinstar machine with all the change I could find ... it was quite a good amount. I put the kids in the car and went to the bank ... the money was GONE. I don't know where it went, I don't know where I lost track of it. It was not anywhere in the car. So I had to swallow my pride and ask to borrow money. I HATE doing that, it makes me feel like a failure. At least my kids will have milk for the rest of the week and I have enough gas to get to work. I am thankful I have people I can ask for help ... but it was one of those days.

So off to bed I go, hoping for a better day tomorrow.

Monday's Mayhem

2009-05-18T22:55:00.000-07:00

Today was ... interesting. Matt is in Scottsdale until Thursday, so it is just me and the munchkins. I had a good, lazy day. We went to the water park until it got stormy and came home and had lunch. The only problem was ... I got NOTHING done I was supposed to do today. So I know I am going to be up all night. I had to work, which was a waste of time ... we were S-L-O-W. Tonight I am going to try and catch up on Ebay listings, clean the kitchen and organize the kids clothes (they have TOOOOOOO many). I'll let you know how much I get done ... don't hold your breath.

Sunday Stroll

2009-05-17T19:14:00.000-07:00

I would like to post something relaxing on Sundays. We like to go for walks as the sun is setting so I think some pictures of our "Sunday stroll" will do just splendidly! Enjoy ...

I have a strange shadow (lumpy!), but here are the 3 of us (sort of)

This was us starting out at 6:00

Aubrey sat in the grass at the park and picked flowers

My kids always seem to make friends quite easily

I need a pedicure (and better walking shoes)!

She still holds my hand ... he is becoming his own person.

A ladybug RJ found. He seems to be the keeper recently, he ALWAYS seems to find them wherever we are ... or maybe they find him?

Scrumptious Saturday

2009-05-16T21:04:00.000-07:00

My first scrumptious Saturday post!! Ok, I LOVE LOVE LOOOOOOVE to bake!! I am seriously famous in this city for my chocolate chip cookies. They are addicting to say the least. I have handed my recipe over countless times and people STILL seem to mess it up?

SO here it is:
1 c. unsalted butter, softened
3/4 c. granulated sugar
3/4 c. dark brown sugar
1/2 tbsp. pure vanilla
1 egg
1 tsp. baking soda
1 tsp. salt (it might seem like a lot but it makes all the difference)
2 1/2 c. unbleached flour
1 pkg. semisweet, butterscotch, milk chocolate or white chips
1c. nuts of your choice... I use walnuts w/darker chocolate, pecans with butterscotch and macadamias with the white chips.

These will bake at 375 for 8-10 minutes. Cream the heck out of the butter and sugar. You don't just want it incorporated, you want it to increase in volume. You need to work air into it. Then add your vanilla and egg, mixing until well blended (I do mine in a stand mixer, but a hand mixer works well too). Add first cup of flour, mix, add salt and baking powder with second cup, mix, then add the last 1/4 cup. Stir in chips and nuts by hand.

Do not let the dough sit out, when butter is too soft the cookies will spread and thin. I like chewy cookies. I pull mine out at 8 minutes when the tops are just slightly golden and you can touch it without leaving a dent (touch, not push!). They will continue cooking for a minute so don't freak and think they are undercooked.

I pre-portion my cookies with a rounded tablespoon so that I can bake at will and the cookies won't get "old" tasting (as RJ says). I get about 3 dozen out of this recipe.

Hope this recipe helps some of you!!

It's been a while, an update

2009-05-15T01:16:00.001-07:00

It has been such a long time since I've thought to sit down and blog. Maybe I don't believe that anyone is that interested in my life (which is true). Maybe I've been depressed (also true). It has definitely been an adjustment the past year or so. We moved away to try and make a life in Albuquerque... it didn't work.

Now we are back (from outer space)... and I've got a sad look upon my face. BUT (yeah, it's coming) I will SURVIVE!! Hahahaha.

Aubrey is now 14 months old and SUCH a diva. I swear I must have been downright EVIL as a child (yes, Sara we all know your opinion!!) She is giving me a run for my money.

My mother just says she has a stronger will than I do, that each woman who births another gets stronger. I'd hate to see what my great-granddaughters will be like then!

She can be quite darling though too (babies are cute so you don't eat them or something.) She loves her brother to pieces and she is DAMN smart!

RJ, who turned 5 in January is registered for Kindergarten now. He is also taking Taekwando and has already, in 6 weeks, advanced a belt! I am so proud of him. His teacher sees the potential in him. He says that RJ is very disciplined for his age. Not to mention he can charm the pants off of anything with a pulse!

He is in a "ladies first" stage... and the reactions he gets, oh boy... hopefully it is enough encouragement for him to keep it up. A woman at El Pollo Loco nearly fell over when he opened the door for her and said "ladies first". I only wish it wasn't so shocking that a five year old has great manners and respect for women!

He is learning how to swim (from me). We try and go every night after Aubrey goes to bed, but he gives me nights off now and again (like Mother's day).

Matt and I are doing well. We have our ups and downs, even more so with the market being what it is. We've both taken pretty severe pay cuts, but are glad to have clean sheets and warm meals every night... with the ability to indulge ourselves every now and again. I hope I never take for granted just how lucky we are.

I will try and keep this a little more up-to-date now. My mama friends are inspiring me to chronicle a little more of the mundane. TTFN

Hasta la vista, tamalewood

2008-10-22T21:52:00.001-07:00

So, it just didn’t work

I tried, I really did. I wanted to make things work here in Albuquerque, but they haven't. I won't put my family, immediate or extended, through any more trouble. I have literally lost my mind living in one room with both kids and trying to contain the nuclear energy of my dear boy, RJ. I never intended to co-sleep with Aubrey either, but it has been yet another sacrifice to the detriment of my sanity. I miss Matt so bad it hurts, literally.

So we are making the pilgrimage back home to Nevada, sans everything but our clothing and some toys. Eventually we will be back to collect our belongings, but starting fresh may be just what we need. Minimalist times call for minimal posessions... or something like that.
Look forward to seeing all of my friends... and leaving the land of manana where I saw hardly anyone Maybe in another life.

Simple Life?

2008-01-23T09:26:00.000-08:00

Well, I feel pregnant. Yeah, I know I AM pregnant... but that is not the point.

Anyway... I was posting on my pregnancy board and the helpfulness of husbands came up. Even after everything that has changed in recent years, there is still some gender-typing going on isn't there? Women are expected to keep house, cook meals, tend children and still be sweet and available. Men are expected to do heavy lifting, yard work, take out the trash and be providers of safety and shelter. It almost seems as if we are reverting to the times our grandparents were raising children. 1950's middle America is rearing it's head isn't it?

What exactly is middle America these days anyway? I think a lot of people are yearning for the safety and home life of days ago. Pretty little housewives with well behaved children and a husband that works 9-5 to put that Sunday roast on the table. Well, the price of roast has far surpassed the rate of salary growth and even though technology is "more affordable" now, at what price?

Education in this state is an abomination. Our lovely (gag, I didn't vote for the bastard) governor just told schools to cut something like $9 million out of their budgets. In a town that is still the fastest growing in the nation (and yes that includes children, duh) we can't bring teachers in at a fast enough rate or decent enough pay. We have shipped people in from foreign countries, where English is a second language already... still the shortage continues. Kids are being taught in cafeterias and gyms for lack of classrooms. Class sizes are totally out of hand with as many as 40 kids per teacher! Well, how many kids do you guess are being lost in the mix? Hundreds, thousands!

So, do I think some days that the simple life would be better? Move to a small town, have lots of babies, work the land. Sure, it sure sounds like more of a dream than what I'm living with today. Still I am glad to be alive now, to have a roof over my head, nice shoes on my feet and a full belly every night. I am uncertain of the world my child is entering, but the instinct has not changed. I will fight for my children and their future just as many generations before me have.

The simple life after all, ain't so simple.

Pondering Stupidity

2008-01-14T19:25:00.000-08:00

Do you ever just have one of those days? The days where you swear everyone on the planet has gone bananas? I had one today. Every phone call I took, people couldn't remember who they were calling for or why and expected me to know. People were hanging up and being generally rude. I was mistaken for anyone from someone's mother to their girlfriend. Helllloooooo, I answer the phone with the NAME OF THE BUSINESS. Maybe I am just cranky. I am uncomfortable to say the least... and anemic too I guess. Lovely, eh? Like I'm not having a problem taking a dump already (was that vulgar? Oh well.)

Now I am home and I made dinner... fish, at Matt's request. He wants to eat healthier, but hates healthy food (go figure). He took one bite and acted like a 2 year old who got a whiff of his own diaper. He gagged, spit it in the sink, scrubbed his tongue under hot water and then ate a HUGE bite of brownie to wash it down (so much for health food!). RJ even ate the fish, good points scored there bubby. Matt ended up with a pulled pork sandwich and rice, haha. Silly men, I swear just for that he gets this:

P.S. Don't tell him I made this picture public!! ::snicker::

Moving, blech!

2007-12-13T09:11:00.000-08:00

Well, we're not even packed all the way yet. Who knew so much shit could fit in such a small place? Seriously, we have been used to moving 2-3 times a year for the 5 years before we met that we never hung on to anything long. In 3 1/2 years we have accumulated JUNK. Sure, I adopted a new hobby and have enough craft stuff to open my own store (oh yeah that's right I HAVE my own store, I just don't maintain it!).

So we have a plan for all this crap. I am going to take a few months off once little miss bean enters the world. I am going to beg my sister to come out and help me with RJ so I can just create, create, create! I need to get my store up and running full time and offer a variety of products. I think my list is still relatively small at this point (less than 50 items and only a few pages). Matt wants me to have fun doing what I love and see if we can turn any sort of profit at all. This way I can be home for 3 months with the kids, I can have a job to return to if necessary and I won't have this "what if" cloud hanging over me.

I just can't not work, it is not in me. I become very bored very quickly even with a very active and loving toddler to keep my company. I just crave something more! I have all these dreams and aspirations and I want my kids to know that you can achieve anything even if your decisions in life have not lead you down a straight path.

Then there is school, I will be re-applying to UNLV in the Fall of 2008 (I was accepted for Fall 2007, but fell pregnant... I like that phrase!) and hopefully I can juggle a job, a marriage, 2 kids and a full time schedule. So these are my random thoughts for today as I try and block out any ideas of the actual move looming in the very VERY near future.

Hmmm...

2007-12-06T15:38:00.001-08:00

There are just days when you don't have a whole lot to say. My brain is so fried! RJ is the stragest sweetest little boy. He is far too smart for his 3-year old britches. He remembers things that slip my mind all the time. He can recall things from well over a year ago and has a phenomenal vocabulary. Sure, every parent thinks their kid is a genious, but he scares me sometimes. He can pronounce Albuquerque like it's nothing and remembers a snow fort we built for him last Christmas. He likes to visit his memaw and grandpa and he really likes Madelyn (the spaniel pupstress!). He remembers playing "boo" with my sister, Sara, and that is how she earned the nickname "Auntie Boo". She wears it so proudly you would think it was her given name.

See, now I've got myself going. Sara and I have a strange, often strained (although much less so since RJ's birth) relationship. I was a crappy sister when we were growing up and I did a lot of vicious things. She bears scars internally and on the surface as well. I didn't think (and often still don't believe) that I was any worse than other big sisters out there. Hell, our neighbors were far more violent with each other! I think we've come to the point that we can move on at almost 24 and 27 and I am thankful for that. I have many fond memories of us playing, but everyone has a different point of view.

Now maybe the dynamic between a brother and sister is different. I know that Matt and his sister certainly had a strained relationship, but he would have killed for her if necessary (another pact Sara and I had come to think of it). I could not imagine my life without my sister, nor can he without his. That is what is going to get me through, the thought that they will bond and love each other more than life itself... even if that day is long off.

Sanity?

2007-12-03T11:17:00.000-08:00

I have come to questiong my sanity a lot recently. Why would I do this? Well, I must be crazy of course. We are expecting another baby sometime next year (yes, sometime... specifics, specifics). This wasn't something we thought out thoroughly or even at all. We've talked about being done for some time and I finally came to grips with it about a year ago. I never wanted RJ to be an only child, but I didn't want such an age difference either. He will be 4 (oh.my.gosh) in January and he is so bright and BEYOND energetic. He doesn't sit down from sun up to well after sundown, he is into everything just like his mama. This means he has the attention span of a gnat for anyone who doesn't know me that well!

So why now? I started a new job in mid-June and found out I was pregnant the first week of July. Great timing, huh? I am not a happy pregnant person... I don't glow (although I swear those women must be constipated or something), I don't beam with pride and rub my belly. Incubating a parasite for 9 months isn't my idea of paradise. Yes, I called her a parasite... because essentially that is what she is. A term of endearment... my little parasite. My dad still considers us parasites now and again, but we do more damage out of the womb than in now don't we?

So we're moving in less than 2 weeks and I have no motivation to pack, I have no motivation to do much of anything anymore. I have bazillions of ideas, but no drive to accomplish a damned thing. Sooooo if you are expecting anything more than a card for the holidays, you might see something by the New Year.